


(On Planet Earth)

by unnoun



Series: A Spring Mother and Her Baby Carrot [2]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Action/Adventure, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Afterlife, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Chatting & Messaging, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, GodTuber AU, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Non-Chronological, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Saiyan Culture, Slow Build, Spoilers, Tags May Change, Temporary Character Death, Women Being Awesome, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2020-10-13 09:37:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20580365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unnoun/pseuds/unnoun
Summary: Finding a new home and making a life for her family there was more than she could have hoped for, but when her past catches up with her, Son Gine must learn that peace doesn't always last, and that maybe, change isn't so scary after all.





	1. I suppose it's just interest

**Author's Note:**

> I'm impulsive and make poor decisions sometimes, and despite the fact that the Red Ribbon Army Arc is my favorite part of Dragon Ball, I realized that to actually give it and the rest of the series the attention I wanted, that would put off everything I want to do with the story even longer. So I'm cheating and doing something. Experimental. This fic is just going to be chapters for [A Spring Mother And Her Baby Carrot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16409861) from the future that I've already written, or snippets or deleted scenes or other things I'm just passionate enough about to post publically.
> 
> ...If and/or when the "main" fic catches up, I might delete this one? I also might do changes or revisions or restructure some things. Cut some of my jokes and lines that don't work as well. Shuffle things around. Maybe use this fic as a place for rough drafts and public feedback? Maybe move the contents of that fic to this one? Use this fic as the place for a full rewrite? I'm not sure, I am _bad_ at planning, lol.
> 
> Title is from a Steven Universe song. Steven Universe and Dragon Ball are actually surprisingly similar, if you think about it. Except with Singing (and Crying) instead of (or in addition to) Fight Scenes.
> 
> The ratings here might vary a bit? I don't really currently actually want to write too much smut, but I make no promises. There might also be a birth scene? Potentially a graphic one? At some point? Possibly? I might edit the tags and warnings as necessary. And I've also moved the chapters around.
> 
> ...Is it me, or is the "Major Character Death" warning always weird for stories in fandoms like Dragon Ball in particular?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GodTube is the _best_.
> 
> And Chronoa in the Xenoverse games is maybe my favorite God in all of Dragon Ball? She's goofy, and compassionate, and well-meaning and relatable, and while she's made mistakes and bad decisions, she seems to actually, like. _Care_ about people.
> 
> ...Granted, the 'Lore' of Online and Xenoverse, like most all of Dragon Ball, is kind of a mess. I might re-write some or all of it or ignore parts of "canon" in order to just make something I personally like and think would make a good or interesting or fun story.
> 
> I think it's a little messed up that, like, the story treats her like an adult, and has her talk about romance and crushes on Bardock, and then has her look like a little kid. But, like, then again, there _is_ a running theme with the Grand Priest, and Kusu being the eldest angel sibling, and Zeno, of the Gods being associated with youth and childishness.
> 
> ...I don't have any headcanons about what I think she _should_ look like, or anything, like I do Chi-Chi. I basically write her like she's a god that's multiple millions of years old. And she _is_ allowed to just be short.

Gine sat meditating, focusing on the world below, even when Kami returned, appearing in a blur behind her. When he cleared his throat however, she opened her eyes, folded her legs underneath her, and attempted to stand up gracefully with her head bowed in respect.

"There's no need for that," God said slightly reproachfully, and she opened her eyes to see that he was smiling slightly at her, and holding what appeared to be a crystal ball atop a typewriter. "This just came in for you," he told her, "as my chosen successor, you're entitled to a sort of... network with other divinities," he said, before shaking his head. "I've never made much use of it," he added in a conspiratorial undertone "but some of the tutorials can be helpful."

She took the strange object from him, and glanced at it and him curiously, and he smiled again before nodding towards the main temple building. "You've done enough training today anyway," he told her, "why don't you go see what you think of it before bed." She nodded, and walked to her quarters and pushed the door open with her hip.

She wasn't sure how to turn it on, but when she reached for the turn crank on the left hand side she felt a spark of... something. Her training involved refining her ki, turning it into "divine" or "godly" ki. She was running into a block somewhere on that front, but she found that she could sense it if she really tried. As she touched the computer (...Kamiputer?) she felt something happen, seemingly causing the crystal ball to display an image.

She frowned and put on her glasses to better see the screen on the display. "Create an account," she read aloud, before frowning in thought. "Son Gine" she said aloud as she typed in the field for her name then frowned when it asked a bunch of other information, about her jurisdiction, galaxy and quadrant, universe, timeline (!) and a dozen other details she had to eventually dig out her textbooks to look up. It was just like any of the tests Kami had made her take.

Finally, after a moment deciding on a password she could remember, it brought her to an empty page showing her name, and a list of videos that were apparently recommended. Apparently, now she had a 'channel' and a bunch of other gods also had 'channels'. Korin and Kami both already had their own channels, and while Korin's was fairly personalized, with a handful of videos, Kami's was blank, with no personal information and no videos, as he'd indicated earlier he had evidently created it and forgotten it.

She frowned, then after a moment decided that as much as she loved him, she didn't have to do things exactly the same way he did, so she started filling out her channel's 'about' section.

Then, after a moment, she decided she wanted to know how to make a 'video'. She concentrated, and after a moment, she found that when she placed her hand over the crystal ball, she could farsee things the same way she could when she meditated on the Lookout, so after a moment, she brought her view to where she could see her own face. Apparently the machine was recording, so she decided to just. Talk.

"Hello, GodTube, my name is Son Gine," she introduced herself politely. "I'm the God of the planet Earth, in the North Quadrant of the Seventh Universe." That was her position, should she make it more personal? "I'm a Saiyan, and not exactly from the planet Earth, but after I came here when I left Planet Vegeta I really loved all the people here and wanted to look out for them, even if sometimes I still miss my husband Bardock..." she trailed off. Was that _too_ personal?

"Anyway!" she said brightly, with cheerfulness she didn't exactly feel, "I want to be the best God I can be for my Home and all the people and life on it. I'm so glad I get the chance!" she ended the recording, and after a moment looking over the footage in the crystal ball, she clicked around for a few moments and published it.

She started looking for other videos, deciding that now she could look at the 'tutorials' Kami had told her about, then froze and stared, not believing her eyes when she saw Bardock's face in one of the little thumbnails, of a video titled 'Bardock is a MegaHottie!'

She found herself clicking on it without thinking, and watched, unable to think about or do anything anything else as the video loaded up.

* * *

The truth of the matter is that being in charge of time is boring.

75 Million years of _nothing happening_ boring.

...Lonely, too, not that she'd ever admit it.

Time Travel simply existing was more common than one might think. Angels, Gods and even Demons had the capacity, but while Time Travel was dangerous, and in theory it could _easily_ be misused and have major consequences, the mere act of time traveling in and of itself was. Well. Insignificant. The timeline could adapt.

The butterfly effect was bogus, and the observer effect was wrong too.

Fundamentally, with very few exceptions, usually the magical powers of the gods _couldn't_ change time, not easily by themselves anyway. Even Demons ultimately came from divine stock, and their powers were still ultimately based on the power of creation. It would take a God of Destruction or...

Well.

Chronoa was old enough to have seen Yamoshi like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. She still remembered being shocked by the way he had _burned_ with power equal to (_greater than_) the Gods. A power not of creation _or_ destruction. It was if he was the embodiment of righteousness, of goodness itself.

Mortals in general were hard to predict and could often achieve things greater than the Gods themselves; Universe 12's accidental discovery of time travel through reverse-engineering of the time rings was proof enough of that. But usually, mortals succeeded because of Gods underestimating how smart they were; by contrast, what made the Saiyans of Universe 6 and Universe 7 so unique was the fact that Gods kept underestimating their _stupidity_.

...And, okay, yeah, Chronoa thought Saiyans were pretty hot. A culture dedicated to fighting and strength meant that Saiyans tended to be buff, _especially_ in Universe 7. And, even after what had happened with Demigra, (she forced herself not to feel anything when she thought of him, she was a strong independent Kai, dammit,) she still had to admit to herself that she had a thing for bad boys.

Technically speaking, she'd first discovered the Saiyan known as Bardock through her work. Somehow, a Saiyan had arrived on Planet Plant even though the Saiyans were all still on Sadala. That didn't make sense until a few millenia or so later when that same Saiyan had simply vanished rather than being killed along with the rest of the Saiyans.

And that was probably the thing about Bardock that first got Chronoa's attention. He was a unique time anomaly, but not a _dangerous_ one. He didn't change the timeline or split it, instead, he'd created a time loop. Because he defeated Chilled as a Super Saiyan, he created a fear of Super Saiyans in Chilled's descendants, that lead to one of them trying to destroy the Saiyans, which lead to Bardock going back in time and defeating Chilled.

It was _confusing_, sure, and paradoxical, and she'd he lying if she said she didn't think it was a little dumb. But history didn't actually _change_. Meaning she didn't actually have to do anything about it, and in all likelihood _couldn't_ do anything except document it.

When Bardock was actually born was when he got her attention for other reasons.

...No, not actually when he was _born_ born, Chronoa wasn't like _that._ But when he grew up into adulthood she realized that this Saiyan was the same Saiyan she'd seen before, and she took notice professionally, only to realize, as she looked at his life, what an _odd_ Saiyan he actually was. A Saiyan that actually _thought_ for even a second about anything other than fighting was borderline miraculous. A Saiyan that _saved_ and _cared about_ others, on top of that? That used _strategy?_

_And_ he was a total beefcake, with scars and everything?

For twenty or so years after Bardock vanished, Chronoa had been content with the personal knowledge that he was definitely the hottest mortal ever Helles could fight her. Even if the Trio De Dangers _were_ a close second. Come back when they get super-sexy scars.

Then Chronoa had gotten into a drinking game with Whis, (while Beerus was sleeping, obviously,) and, well, Chronoa had lost a bet.

It had been a few million years since she'd last posted a video, aside from occasional tweaks or re-edits of her 'Dos and Don'ts of Time Travel' series, and anyone that knew Chronoa knew that she cared about her job. She was passionate about it, and sincerely wanted the best for every universe, and that meant keeping time in order.

Of course, anyone that _really_ knew Chronoa, on a _personal_ level, knew that she was a meme-loving fuck, and a thirsty, desperate one at that

So, at the time, betting with her to make a new video about the Saiyan she had the hots for was just a funny joke, haha, I'm Whis, and even though I'm the gayest Angel there's ever been, I think I've done nothing wrong and it's totally fine for me to make fun of other people's taste in men, it's not like it's _super_ _gross_ I have a not-at-all-hidden crush on the GoD I've raised since he was practically a kitten or anything.

Then she'd started going through the time scrolls and realized maybe she should have been paying more attention to a Saiyan time travelling for seemingly no reason. The time stream wasn't actually _that_ random.

She'd uploaded the video anyway, and tried to pretend nothing was wrong, it was just a shitpost, a borderline GodTube Poop, just a silly, wacky, horny and pervy video about those silly mortals, nothing was wrong with history. There _certainly_ wasn't a freaking _demon_ and _definitely_ not a _golden-fruit one_ hidden in the footage and responsible for both taking Bardock away from the planet's destruction in the first place, and then taking him from Planet Plant in the past, after she seemingly _lost him there._

A notification ding grabbed Chronoa's attention. She headed over to her Kamiputer and logged into GodTube, and found that she got a comment on the video already.

A comment that made her blush as she read it to herself, as it started answering all her questions she'd asked (rhetorically!) about Bardock in the video, and went into incredibly _specific_ detail about how Bardock liked to cuddle, how he gave massages, how he kissed, how he—

Oh, oh _wow._

Oh, she hadn't even _thought_ about tails, or the Oozaru form, but.

She clicked on the profile, and started up the only video, a brief, face-cam introduction.

When the Saiyan woman said the words _"My husband Bardock,"_ Chronoa quite reasonably paused the video and proceeded to flip her shit.

* * *

A ding and a flashing icon alerted her to the fact that she had a message, which she proceeded to open.

> **Chronoa Cross:** I am so sorry!
> 
> **Son Gine:** What for?
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** Because I made a video about how much I want to fuck your husband!
> 
> **Son Gine:** Oh. Why are you sorry? I want to fuck him too. It's something we have in common. Thank you so much for the video, it's been so long since I've seen him.
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** ...Oh yeah, you're Saiyans. I almost forgot, lol.
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** But wait, you guys were _married_? I didn't know Saiyans _did_ that. Is this a timeline where you guys are the royal family, and I somehow didn't notice?
> 
> **Son Gine:** I married Bardock around when our son, Raditz was in his incubator, when I retired from the Saiyan military.
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** Saiyans can retire? I didn't know you were, like, allowed.
> 
> **Son Gine:** No. We aren't.
> 
> **Son Gine:** I did it anyway.
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** 😎
> 
> **Son Gine:** What do the sunglasses mean?

"Time for bed," Kami told Gine through the doorway to her room and she immediately reached for the machine to turn it off, only realizing after the screen shut off that she should say goodbye and explain herself. She hoped it wasn't too rude.

"I'm glad you're having a good time," Kami said warmly, "And I hope you've learned a lot, but you still have training to do. Tomorrow you're going to learn more about the Divine Hierarchy. The Kaio that are Lords of Worlds, and the Kaioshin that are Lords of Lords. It can get kinda tricky to remember," he said in a conspiratorial whisper, making her chuckle.

* * *

> **Son Gine:** I'M SO SORRY! FORGIVE MY DISRESPECT!
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** WHAT'S WRONG!?
> 
> **Son Gine:** I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THE KAIOSHIN AND DIDN'T USE THE PROPER ADDRESS!
> 
> **Son Gine:** FORGIVE ME KAIOSHIN-SAMA!
> 
> **Chronoa Cross: ** ...The all caps make it seem like you're yelling.
> 
> **Son Gine:** I'M SORRY! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF!
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** And, hey, anyways, don't worry about it!
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** I'm not technically your universe's Supreme Kai, so it's not like I'm your superior anyway, but even if I were!
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** I'd have to be a real jerk to get too worked up over what happens on GodTube anyway!
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** You were just being nice!
> 
> **Son Gine:** Thank you, so much, ma'am!
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** ...Don't call me Ma'am.
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** Ever.

* * *

Days passed and turned into weeks, turned into months. Gine and Chronoa continued to talk about various subjects in messages. One day on a whim, after a check-up for Chi-Chi, and while the taller woman lay down on their couch to nap, curled up with Goku tucked under her chin and his tail slowly rubbing her ever-rounding belly, Gine decided to pull out a camera Bulma had made.

"Hey," Gine said softly, "Uh, dunno how to say this, but I guess I'm going to be a grandma soon? Chi-Chi's insisting I be the midwife, so I'm having to learn a lot about that on top of my God training, that's why I haven't been very active lately."

Gine frowned for a moment, before deciding to ask her 'audience' a question that had been on her mind. "I was actually surprised when I found out Chi-Chi was pregnant," she admitted. "We're different species, so I didn't think..." Gine shook her head. "Maybe I just haven't gotten there in my own studies yet, but can anyone tell me why, when two different species like Earthlings and Saiyans are made by Gods of Creation, that they're compatible with each other like this?" Gine smiled at the lens and bowed her head. "Thanks!"

Gine hesitated for a moment before adding, "I've never actually seen a live birth before, wish me luck," in a small voice, after a nervous glance at Chi-Chi. Gine stopped the recording and awkwardly turned the camera off.

* * *

> _**Chronoa Cross** has set **Son Gine**'s nickname to **Onion Mom**_
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** I'm tellin' ya, you've _gotta_ make more videos about Saiyans.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** And I'm telling _you_ that _you_ need to make more videos about my husband.
> 
> **Chronoa Cross:** ...Your husband _is_ a Saiyan, isn't he?
> 
> **Onion Mom:** Last time I saw him he was.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** Why?

* * *

The scrolls in the Time Vault weren't _technically_ meant to be used to record high-definition footage for GodTube videos, but. Well. No part of her job said she _couldn't_. Besides, there wasn't anyone in any universe or timeline with the power and authority to tell the Supreme Kai of Time what not to do.

With footage from two different universes at multiple points of history, documenting Saiyans was almost _easy_. Together, the two women made the most detailed, comprehensive, and accurate analysis of the Saiyan race there had ever been.

And it _bombed_, receiving no views.

In Gine's opinion, the problem was that for the most part, Saiyans were honestly pretty boring. The Saiyans fought, and when they couldn't fight they fed themselves, and when they couldn't fight or feed themselves they fucked, and in the process just barely managed to keep their birth rate high enough for the population to stay viable.

They fought each other on Sadala, and they fought each other on Plant. The Tuffles made them fight each other, when they weren't already, and forced them to fight wild beasts, and their own criminals, and to Gine's interest, the Tuffles evidently actually sent Saiyans off to the stars to fight the Tuffles' enemies.

Part of Gine had felt always almost _bad_ about the knowledge that the Saiyans had taken the Tuffles' home away from them, whenever she'd heard the old stories. The knowledge that the Tuffles had been, in their own way, every bit just as bad as Cold,or the Saiyans themselves was an interesting revelation. Apparently, only the royal family had kept the stories of slavery to the Tuffles alive, and had ordered the story of conquest disseminated around the lower class as propaganda, so that the Saiyans would think they were always strong, always independent, and never beholden to another.

For the first time, under the first King the Saiyans were united, no longer fighting each other, technology reached new heights, and the health and lifespan for the Saiyans as a whole became higher than it had ever been before. With their aggression turned outward instead of inward, there was even a small population boom, even before the incubation tanks had been implemented.

The catch was, Gine realized, the Saiyans also became _crueler_ than they had been before. As much as Saiyans fought, and as destructive and deadly as that fighting could be and frequently was, before the first Vegeta the Saiyans oddly didn't actually have the drive to _slaughter_ Gine had been raised to believe was the norm. It was almost upsetting for Gine, the more she learned about the Saiyans of Sadala, and even Plant, and the more she compared the histories of Universe 6 and Universe 7, to know that her people could have, with only a few small changes, become a symbol of safety, justice, protection and peace, rather than death and bloodshed and ruin.

All of that went out the window the moment the Saiyans became more motivated by _profit_ than by the thrill of battle. Beyond that, the caste system of classes of warriors stifled the growth of each and every Saiyan, the strong not getting used to being challenged, and the weak not striving or pushing themselves. In a way, it almost reminded Gine more of _Tuffle_ society than it did the Saiyans themselves, which only raised more questions to her mind.

Chronoa felt bad that the information had affected her friend so much, and she felt even _worse_ that after all the scrolls she'd dug through, she hadn't even gotten any views from it. Unfortunately, while she didn't agree that Saiyans themselves were boring, the fact of the matter was that the only things about them anyone was ever interested in was how they fought, and, oddly, how they fucked. The latter was something Saiyans didn't even _do_ all that frequently, and as Gine helpfully pointed out, when they _did_ do it they weren't all that different from most other sapient, mammalian bipedal primates. If that's what you liked, great, but it probably wouldn't be anything new.

As for the fighting, Saiyan 'art' was combat, and their storytelling and mythology and history were devoted to past battles. Unfortunately, their chosen focus on Saiyan cultural development and history was devoted more to the impacts that various conflicts had, rather than a blow-by-blow of each and every individual incident. Even if they _wanted_ to change gears and show off every cool-looking fight any Saiyan had ever had, neither woman considered herself that good or interesting a commentator on the subject, and when Chronoa tried to bring a certain Angel on-board, his asking price had been too high.

So, after their passion project failed to get off the ground, the two aspiring GodTubers decided to start doing Let's Plays.

* * *

"What's up GodTube! Welcome to Pal Gals!"

"I'm Gine!"

"And I'm Chronoa!"

"And today we're playing:"

"Unlicensed Moose Game!"

An animation of the Kaioshin and the Saiyan's faces in a simplified, deliberately cute artstyle came on the screen for a moment, before cutting to the gameplay, of a series of simplified sprites of Moose on equally simplified backgrounds.

"So, Gine," Chronoa began, as she played and made the Moose walk out onto a highway, "what do you think of Mooses?"

"I've met some nice Moose-people," the Saiyan woman said sincerely, always friendly-sounding, "and the animals are a valuable part of the environments of Earth."

"That so?" Chronoa asked, as she made the Moose lower its horns and begin charging at a parked pick-up truck.

"Yes," Gine replied, "and they taste pretty good as well."

Many gods considered vegetarianism necessary for spiritual enlightenment, but Gine was not one of them.

"Did you have any on Planet Vegeta?" Chronoa asked idly, as the truck rolled onto its side and into the river, leaving the hunters that had just gotten out of it flustered and ammo-less and weapon-less.

"Not that I can recall," Gine replied, before squealing in delight when a trap laid out earlier by the Moose tricked someone into getting trapped in a cabin.

"YEAH! YA DONE JUST GOT MOOSED!" Chronoa yelled loudly.

* * *

In her own videos, Gine mostly did various video logs with moments from her life with her family, and occasionally she talked about/over movies.

Chi-Chi was already in favor of home videos to document things during her pregnancy, and asked Gine to help record various moments; a lamaze class here, an eating contest where she out-ate the two Saiyans there, her prenatal stretches and the various exercises and katas she still did.

Gine for the most part tried to approach the topic in a more detached, educational style in the videos she uploaded, in an attempt to be more relevant to GodTube's audience by discussing things like Chi-Chi's increased metabolism for instance, and she made sure not to let anyone else see anything Chi-Chi objected to.

In terms of films, somehow Gine got pigeon-holed into "critiquing" movies because she usually couldn't stop herself from pointing out whenever she thought there was a plot hole, or something that doesn't immediately make sense.

Gine rarely thought the films and their stories were actually worse because of it, and more often than not, she found after some time that the problem was herself; that there was a valid explanation, but she hadn't thought of it, or missed it, or it was explained later. That it was deliberate, and tied into some plot twist and reveal or reversal of expectations. Or that it just didn't really matter, and the movie was still good regardless. But people seemed to enjoy the videos anyway, so between her lessons and everything else she would write, script and record them.

"Just do it already!" she yelled when a plan was being explained in a monologue.

"Unnecessary orders," she would quip when a character was 'ordered' to do something they were doing anyway.

"...How do they survive this?" she asked herself whenever something unreasonably lethal happens that a character doesn't die from. Or "How does that work?" when something that defied physics or common sense happened.

* * *

The King Kai of the Northern Quadrant already tended towards liking the Supreme Kai of Time, and not just because she wasn't his direct superior the way the Supreme Kai of the Universe was.

No, it was that she was always making time puns, sometimes seemingly without meaning to do so.

So when he saw her new videos had a co-host, he decided to be open-minded and give it a shot.

"Did you know this game is a sequel to another one?" Chronoa asked.

And, with a set-up like that, Gine knocked it down, and out of the park.

"You mean the one about the bird? I had a gander at it, yeah," Gine remarked, as Chronoa continued to move the Moose around the screen.

King Kai _lost it_.

Bubbles wandered over, not sure why his master was choking with laughter on the ground, but eventually decided it didn't matter, instead wandering over to a tree and shaking an apple from it. Bubbles ate the apple with satisfaction as the small catfish-like deity continued to pant and wheeze on his driveway.

* * *

Kami believed that Gine had a good heart, and would be the best successor he could have asked for, wise and capable and loving.

He didn't expect her to earn the Earth the approval and favor of the rest of the divine hierarchy, by way of _GodTube_ videos of all things, while still only an apprentice. But soon enough King Kai was contacting him and her every day it seemed like, and apparently their planetary mortal level was rising from Gine's videos alone.

Kami was never quite sure how to operate the magical technology that made the divine networks work, and was worried he was too old. Sure, all the Kais had been alive longer than him, but age was more than just a number.

Still, after hearing enough praise, the God of Earth decided it was time see what all the fuss was about, so while Gine meditated one day, he discretely headed to his chambers in order to get his old terminal to work. It couldn't possibly be _that_ difficult, could it?

* * *

Towa glared at her crystal ball. Bad enough that the Supreme Kai of Time had to be on GodTube, but now that _Saiyan_ was on the platform as well. After everything that had happened, Towa swore she would make that foolish woman suffer for what she'd done.

Towa scowled as she went to her lab, stomping her way over to the vat where her greatest creation still grew. Demon DNA, perfectly golden and utterly rotten, combined with the greatest warriors throughout history. _That_ would be enough to show those foolish Kais the error of their ways.

As for how best to deal with Son Gine... Towa smirked, and opened and stepped through a portal to her dungeon, where she approached the masked figure that yet still hung on her wall. All her attempts to bring him under control hadn't been successful yet, but she was sure it was only a matter of time, and Towa doubted anything would hurt the foolish mortal woman more than the knowledge that her precious mate had turned against her.

And in more ways than one, Towa mused, as she idly touched her still-flat abdomen. While he still wouldn't obey her, her subject had at least stopped attempting to harm her after her scent had changed.

...She still wasn't entirely sure how she had even conceived, or when; and it was hard to tell how long it had been after she had taken her lair out of traditional space-time; and given that she was a being born from a divine fruit, she wasn't entire sure how this experiment would even come out.

(Did she even actually _have_ a womb? Or had the blastocyst just attached to her intestines or something, somehow?)

But Towa was brilliant, and she was sure she'd remember what her plan had been one of these millennia.

She had all of eternity to get what she wanted.

* * *

**Kusu** _has created _**Goddesses of the Multiverse**

**Martinu**_,_ **Cukatail**_,_ **Vados**_, _**Marcarita**_, _**Ogma**, **Helles**_, _**Chronoa**_... And others have joined _**Goddesses of the Multiverse**

**Kusu:** I decided it would be a good idea to create a place for all the Goddesses in all the universes to talk.

**Kusu:** You may have noticed, there aren't exactly a lot of us.

**Kusu:** Currently, only one woman serves as God of Destruction, and one as a Universes's Supreme Kai, in all 12 Universes.

**Kusu:** The positions of the lesser Kais and planetary Gods do have women among their number, but are still typically outnumbered by their male colleagues to a considerable degree.

**Chronoa:** ...I hadn't realized it was this bad until you spelled it out.

**Helles:** Such an ugly state of affairs.

**Marcarita:** I'm surprised at you, dear sister. At your age, you should really know better, should you not? We aren't Gods, are we? We shouldn't need to concern ourselves with something so trivial, should we?

**Cukatail:** We are divine beings with responsibilities. We may not be Goddesses ourselves, but to pretend we all have nothing whatsoever in common is another matter.

**Vados:** I'm quite sure we all have better things to do with our time.

**Martinu:** Oh I'm sure your training of Lord Champa is going well enough already. Certainly no need for anything more rigorous, or room for improvement.

**Vados:** ...Are you talking about his weight? Really?l

**Kusu:** ...He's not very strong, and he won't get stronger if you keep doing his duties for him.

**Vados:** At least I'm not constantly hanging off of him like some sort of harlot.

**Marcarita:** _EXCUSE_ ME!?

**Chronoa:** oh no

**Son Gine:** Forgive me for speaking out of turn, I am but a humble Goddess in-training, but something confuses me.

**Son Gine:** All my lessons tell me that angels are meant to he harmonious beings, guiding the universe and other gods towards enlightenment.

**Son Gine:** But you've all been fighting and squabbling worse than my actual children.

**Chronoa:** holy shit

**Kusu:** On behalf of all angels, the Grand Minister, and Grand Zeno himself, I apologize to all Goddesses present and future who may read this.

**Helles:** Most un-beautiful of you all.

**Cukatail:** I apologize as well.

**Cukatail:** I hope we can all learn from each other in the future.

**Martinu:** I apologize. I hope with this chat we can all push each other to be better at our duties.

_**Vados** has left **Goddesses of the Multiverse**_

_**Marcarita** has left **Goddesses of the Multiverse**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...The entire time I watched Gine's scenes in Dragon Ball Super: Broly, I thought "oh, her GodTube channel would be CinemaSins". She has a lot of lines that are just. Nitpicking? And pointing out plot holes?
> 
> Like, I don't even _like_ CinemaSins, I think that entire style of criticism makes media and the world actively worse. But pointing out things that don't make sense. I mean, it's a habit _I_ have sometimes too. My autistic ass.
> 
> ...Like, thinking about it. Even if I assume that normal fruit Core People/Shinjin that aren't actively serving as Kais have access to GodTube, and even if the Demons in Demon Realm can access it, and heck, even if the Oni in Otherworld have access, GodTube probably has a lot less users than YouTube?
> 
> Probably no corporate channels.
> 
> ...And, like, man, how would divine copyright strikes work?
> 
> Does monetization work??? Do Gods even need money???
> 
> Oh, the names "Pal Gals" and "Untitled Moose Game" I owe to discussions with SSVCloud.


	2. Life and Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [*Cue Cha La Head Cha La*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uITzQDxs7iQ)  
(Or Dragon Soul, or, hell, stick with Makafushigi Adventure, even fucking Rock the Dragon, whatever floats your boat, really.)
> 
> So, something. Controversial. That I've long been considering. Is that while Toriyama too often shoves characters to the background instead of making better use of them, I think part of it is that Toriyama does also have a tendency to add characters he doesn't actually need instead of making better use of the characters already in the story? Like, maybe you can call that world-building, but.
> 
> ...Okay, biting the bullet, (because, he's actually my favorite of the characters I'm about to talk about, and I feel guilty about saying all this about him) Chiaotzu. From the beginning, I realized I had no idea what the fuck to do with Chiaotzu. It got _so bad_ that for a moment, I actually considered sorta fusing Chiaotzu with Yurin from that one episode of Super?
> 
> I actually like Chiaotzu's loyal friendship with Tien, the issue is. It's kinda boring? And Chiaotzu doesn't really have a character outside of that loyal friendship? Like, when Tien and Chiaotzu are introduced, they're parallels and foils to Yamcha and Krillin, but while Tenshinhan actually develops traits and relationships outside of that. Chiaotzu never really does? And aside from his powers, the thing that mainly differentiates him from Krillin is that he's. Kinda dumb?
> 
> Like, as bad as Super can be. And as bad as that episode in particular kinda is. The idea that Tien would ignore and brush off one of his fellow Crane School students, and leave her behind. Is actually more interesting to me, and in my opinion more in-line with the sort of arrogant Assassin-In-Training that Tenshinhan is when he's introduced, than him and Chiaotzu just being good friends from the beginning? Chiaotzu's friendship kinda detracts from Tien's villainous introduction, while a character more like Yurin who wants to be Tien's friend, but Tien keeps brushing off and pushing aside would. Fit better? But as it is, Chiaotzu is best when he's introduced, where he's evil!Krillin, but after that. There's not a lot going for him?
> 
> Yajirobe literally only exists because, after Krillin died, Toriyama wanted Mayumi Tanaka to still have a voice role in the anime. Goku literally has a line in the manga about how Yajirobe sounds just like Krillin. The only other time the manga mentions voices being similar is Jackie Chun.
> 
> ...Mr. Popo. Aside from the design and the potential racism there, (_especially_ with the fact that he's a servant?) based on the fact that the position of God has a succession, and we see with Zamasu that apprentice Supreme Kais do a lot of the attendant and servile roles in that relationship, I felt he was. Extraneous? Like, Korin tells Goku to meet God, but that God's face is a face Goku already knows, and it turns out God looks just like the evil Piccolo. So really, Popo is just there to take up space and time before Goku meets God? All the exposition and teaching Popo gives could be done by Kami.
> 
> Oolong sorta competes with Puar, but while Toriyama makes better use of Oolong than Puar, I say fuck Oolong. Anyways, aside from the perversion, Oolong basically fills the same role of comedic-relief coward that Yajirobe does, and I ultimately think neither of them are as good at the role or as funny or likable in it as Mr. Satan.
> 
> ...I'm willing to take criticism, feedback and disagreement. I might change my mind.

She opened her eyes into a wizened green face filling her vision. The face smiled at her, and she grinned back before leaning forward and pressing her forehead to his. Her body shook slightly with laughter as she felt the antennae tickle her hair. "Mmm... what'd I miss," she mumbled before arching her back into a yawn that turned into a moan partway through, the bones of her spine audibly cracking in a manner that caused her companion to wince as the sound reached his large, pointed ears. She was about to stop, her own face making an expression of sympathy, until he wrapped his arms around her and started putting pressure on her back, sharp fingernails leaving scratches on bare skin and strong albeit wrinkled hands digging into knots and forcing out even sharper pops and louder moans than before.

The woman let out one last moan after he finally stopped his ministrations and then sagged forward so she was chest to chest with her viridescent companion, her brown-furred tail unconsciously reaching out until it was behind his waist, pulling him even closer. "Sorry," she finally told him. "Didn't mean to..."

"It's perfectly fine," he told her. "I know what sleeping while sitting upright like that does to you."

She nodded and reached over towards where her bra lay on the tile, pulling it on while still sitting close to him. "God's not supposed to sleep on the job though, is she?" she asked slightly timidly, frowning as she re-crossed her legs in an attempt to return to a proper Lotus, with her feet actually on her knees.

"My predecessor did," God answered, "just as, in all likelihood, your successor may." He smiled slightly at her. "More important, and more inappropriate, I suspect," he began gently but teasingly, "Is God attempting to work even while disrobed."

She blinked, then glanced at the scraps of her uniform robes, the Kanji "Kami" for "God" miraculously unmolested. "The full moon's so much closer up here," she whined with a pout. "I can't help it if the sacred mantle of the office can't stand up to it."

God smiled at her, then placed a kiss on her forehead before standing up, in turn making her scramble to her own feet to help him up only to be pushed away, even as his own joints made noises belying his age. "Maybe one of these days you'll convince me me to let you get that to woman modernize everything for you," he told her. She grinned back expectantly. "Not today," he told her. "Now, come, I've drawn you a bath, and laundered a fresh set of Earth clothes."

She blinked in confusion, before her eyes widened as she remembered the date on the calendar. The woman whooped with joy and shot forward, wrapping God in a hug before pressing her mouth to his, and then immediately zooming off into the depths of the temple.

* * *

Today was the day she would reunite with her family.

* * *

A loud crash in the mountains shook the Earth itself, and disrupted the <strike>nap</strike> _meditation_ of a certain round-bellied farmer. Grumbling, the farmer got up and headed around to the back of the tractor to pull out a shotgun, then waddled over to the crater of a falling meteorite in the middle of their field of crops.

_The things I do for this_ fucking_ family_, the farmer thought dourly, before cocking the shotgun, and raising it to aim down the sights, carefully inching forward with slow steps to peer over the lip. The meteorite was made of steel, or perhaps some other metal, and it opened slowly (definitely _not_ a meteor, then) as a tall, broad-shouldered man with hair longer than the farmer's own slowly pulled himself out of the pod before bursting into motion and coming to stand in front of the farmer, who backed up out of instinct.

"So the creatures on this planet _are_ still alive," the man growled with a grimace. "Kakarot, were you even _trying_?"

"Hey!" the farmer called out, blowing some hair out of the way and readjusting the overalls around their gut, "You're on my _fuckin'_ property! Get your twunk-gigolo looking ass the hell outta here and back to whatever intergalactic playgirl cover you came from, or I'll— I'LL!"

"AH-_CHOOO!"_

To the immense confusion of the alien visitor, the strange, fat female's hair actually changed color from blonde to blue, and the irises of the eyes changed from green to black. For a moment, he was struck by the memory of tales he had heard at his mother's side, of a golden warrior born of pure lust for battle above all else, the greatest and most unstoppable force ever known in the entire universe in which they lived. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if the strange form would return, or if it could even be a _threat_ to him.

Then the blue-haired being shrieked and fired her weapon at the man who instinctively moved to deflect it, only to blink in shock when his hand actually made contact with something. "Ballistics?!" he cried aloud. "Are these the best weapons your planet has!? How could Kakarot fail us so utterly?!"

The Farmer started to back away towards her tractor, keeping one hand on her belly as she hunched around it protectively, and with no small amount of contempt the alien flicked the slug back, expecting the projectile to instantly slay the weak native. Instead, to his surprise, the bulging and bulbous blue-haired <strike>beauty</strike> _being_ pointed a finger at the slug and yelled "DODON-_PA!_" causing a beam of Battle Power to vaporize the metal round and graze the side of the alien's cheek.

The device on the side of his head made beeping and whirring noises as he stared in shock, until he watched while the woman's expression and scent instantly went from determination back to fear, to the alien's delight.

"TEEEEENNNN!!!!!" she shrieked aloud, "HEEEEEELLLLPPP!"

The sound echoed around the surrounding countryside, and out of curiosity he elected to wait and see what the fuss could possibly be about. He wasn't _too_ disappointed when a handsome and strong-looking three-eyed man appeared floating in the air with a serious look on his face. "Launch!" the man shouted down. "Are you hurt!?"

The man reached for his Scouter, hoping for a serious challenge, and was profoundly disappointed. "Only 250?!?" he cried aloud. "What the hell has Kakarot even been _doing_ here?!" The Earthlings weren't providing him any answers, and in a moment of irritation he lost control of his tail, causing it to lash behind him with the fur bristled, causing the two to gasp in shock and... _recognition?_

He picked up the woman by the hair on her head, causing her to cry out. The three-eyed man rushed forward and threw a blow, but the spacefarer scarcely even noticed it. "Have you seen a tail like mine before?" he demanded. Five eyes glared at him in response, earning only a scoff in return. Before he could repay this slight however, the Scouter beeped and he tilted his head to look in another direction. "A power of 322?" he said aloud. "Could that be?" The man lifted into the air, pulling Launch by her hair, causing her to scream once more. Tenshinhan charged him again, but a single blow left him on the ground, gasping for breath. The man from the pod glanced at Launch for a moment, then grabbed her behind her legs, taking her with him even as she screamed at him. He _was_ getting hungry, after all...

* * *

The Great Demon King stiffened in his meditation and then snapped to alertness. "W-what?! What is this power I'm sensing?" He shook his head, scarcely daring to believe it. "It couldn't be Son Goku or— It's too _horrible__!_" The terrifyingly immense power took the form of a man, who in less than a moment landed on Piccolo's grassy knoll. Piccolo scowled when he recognized one of Son Goku's wretched friends struggling in the man's grasp. Even more sickening to the Mazoku was the fact that she'd quite clearly been bred in the manner of all other disgusting humans. Had it been by the stranger?

The man peered at him up and down, unsettlingly like he was judging how good of a meal he'd make. "You're not Kakarot," the man finally said.

"What do you want?" Piccolo demanded. "Who are you? You have some business with me?"

"No," the man answered, "I was just looking for someone."

"Then unless you're in a hurry to die," Piccolo told him, "Keep moving."

The man had the audacity to _laugh_ at that. "Well aren't _you_ the feisty one," he said mockingly. "I do like 'em feisty."

His blue-haired captive seemed to take this as a cue to bite down on his thumb, and Piccolo in turn saw that as an opportunity to unleash his most destructive Devil's Wave with a roar. He grinned to himself as the smoke rose into the air. Such was the fate of the _insolent_ who—

Piccolo froze in horror as the smoke cleared and revealed the interloper not only still standing, but _completely unfazed_. Even the mortal woman seemed relatively undamaged, apparently the man had shoved her behind him. She coughed and sputtered on the ground, with a few minor burn marks, and a thin line of blood dripped from a cut across her cheek, but aside from that, she seemed fine. Even the energy of her babe seemed unchanged, he could confirm after extending his senses briefly.

"You call _that_ an attack?" the man mocked. "Pathetic. Although it does seem effective at kicking up dust."

"AH-CHOOOO!"

...Oh. _That's_ which one of Son Goku's friends and Son Gine's adoptees this was.

_Great._

Also (_NOT!_) great was how insignificant Piccolo's power was to this stranger, who proceeded to rub it in. "I dare say your power is _almost_ respectable, emphasis on the 'almost'. But if that's all you've got, does that make it my turn then? Shall I show you one of _my_ moves?" The man raised his hand, and for a moment, as he prepared to meet his fate, Piccolo was struck by how familiar it was, the stance and the energy itself. It was almost just like...

Piccolo was spared when the strange device on the man's face began to beep loudly and shrilly, almost painfully to Piccolo's hearing. The man seemed to almost forget Piccolo entirely as he considered the machine. "Another new signal? It looks like another strong battle power..." almost distractedly, he easily reached out for the girl and lifted her by the hair, before slinging her over his shoulder, giving Piccolo an unfortunate perspective of her backside before she and the man floated into the sky with flight. "It's that way," Piccolo heard the man say, "Range twelve nine oh nine and closing. That must be the biggest power level on this puny planet. And if so... it _must_ be Kakarot!"

The man shot off into the distance fast, and as Piccolo watched, the woman stared him down judgmentally, until eventually they were both out of sight.

Piccolo gasped and collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath. "He's miles away already... And I still can't stop trembling. Who _was_ that?"

* * *

"He singed some of yer leg hairs."

The landscape below continued to rush by.

"Got mine, too."

The wind blew past them, but thankfully her hair remained out of her face, and, more importantly, her nose.

"I'm not scared of ya anymore, tough guy, wanna know why?" Hopefully, if she boasted enough, he'd decide she wasn't worth the trouble and just drop her, not knowing she could fly too.

The man chuckled and actually replied to her this time. "By all means."

Launch grinned to herself. "Because I know Son Goku, and I know that he's going to take you down, and even if _he_ doesn't, then his—"

Suddenly, the man stiffened under her, before letting out a noise and holding her out by the shoulders and snarling at her. "What did you just touch me with?" he demanded, before his eyes widened in horror as he saw a kick distend out of her skin and almost touch him in his own abdomen, he was holding her so closely. "What's the matter with you?" he demanded. "Do you have some sort of internal parasite??"

Launch looked at him flatly. "...You have no idea where babies come from," she said aloud.

"Of course I do!" the man said indignantly. "They come from Incubators!"

The two stared at each other for a moment, and she considered trying a Solar Flare, only for him to put her over his shoulder again before she could make a move.

First time in _ages_ she hasn't felt like she had to piss herself, and it just _had_ to be right when she was kidnapped by a literal fucking alien. That would have been a perfect distraction, but no, _now_ her body has to be cooperative. Fuckin' fantastic.

At least his butt still looked nice at this angle.

* * *

Gine rubbed her hair one last time with the towel, then started pulling on her tights and her bra and pulled on her T-Shirt and denim shorts. She sat in front of a vanity mirror in her room and started putting in her rings and studs, then clasped her choker around her neck. She was about to leave her room and fly away from the Lookout when she heard a noise and saw a light flash on her crystal ball, so after a moment's hesitation she decided to check what her notifications said. The moment she logged into her GodTube account, she checked her messages.

She wasn't _surprised_ when she was immediately pulled into a groupchat, but she still hadn't expected it either.

> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** W00T!!! Big G in the Hizzouse!
> 
> **Onion Mom:** hi chronoa.
> 
> **KaioKinning:** Did you see her newest video?
> 
> **Onion Mom:** not yet.
> 
> **WhisKiTHOT****:** I quite enjoyed your most recent upload. Tell me, how did you do those special effects?
> 
> **Onion Mom:** i dont use special effects.
> 
> **WhisKiTHOT:** Oh? Then you and your "son" and "grandson" actually _did_ transform into beasts?
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** Whoa! Not cool! No racism in the Team Universe 7 Group Chat!
> 
> **WhisKiHOT:** Oh, my apologies, it's just that if one didn't know any better, one might think you were actually a Saiyan.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** thats because i am.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** lol.
> 
> **Shin:** I thought you were the new god of the planet Earth?
> 
> **Onion Mom:** i am.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** i explained everything in my channel description and my first video.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** and in some of my collabs with chronoa.
> 
> **KaioKinning:** Have you seen her newest one?
> 
> **Onion Mom:** not yet.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** im supposed to be going to a party right now.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** so.
> 
> **XxZaMaSumOrTaLsLaYeR420xX:** What in the name of Zen'O is a _Ningen_ doing here.
> 
> _**XxZaMaSumOrTaLsLaYeR420xX** has been removed from the chat_
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** Nope! The N-word is against the rules!
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** That goes for your hairless pussy too, Whis!
> 
> **Shin:** I apologize if this brings up any bad memories, but I thought the Saiyans were all nearly wiped out.

Gine closed her eyes, and forced herself to breath in and out for a moment.

> **Onion Mom:** youre right.
> 
> **KaioKinning:** Watch Chronoa's new video Gine, don't make me order you as Kai of your planet's Galaxy.

Gine forced the chat away from view, and queued up Chronoa's channel and selected the newest thumbnail in the list. It loaded instantly, and Gine's breath caught when she saw the video load up. It was a scene from not that long ago, perhaps not even a month, of herself fighting a masked figure above a twilit castle.

Chronoa had warned her that a pair of demons sought to disrupt the timeline, and it was critical that Gine and _only_ Gine be the one to stop them. Despite this, she'd received help from Kami and from her grandson in stopping the first, but the diminutive Kai claimed that their help didn't matter, as long as none of her actual sons or daughters were there.

The second demon had summoned a Saiyan in a mask, and something about the other Saiyan's scent had sent Gine into a blind rage. Until now, she'd had no idea what it could possibly have been. Despite everything she tried, she'd had no memory of the incident after the fact.

Looking at the video now playing in front of her, she was starting to get a suspicion. She put her glasses on just to be sure, before sitting back and shaking her head in disbelief. But there was no arguing with the truth she could plainly see with her own eyes. She recognized that hair behind the mask, and those scars on that body.

She didn't know how long she sat there, but at some point she must have closed the video, because now the chat was the main thing she could see.

> **KornyKitty:** How the heck did a two-bit, fifth-rate Mazoku like _him_ actually get help from _her?_
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** Apparently, she took over his whole plan. Originally he was going to take out Piccolo, then wish for immortality.
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** Before anyone says anything, yes, I know.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** thanks **@KaioKinning**, **@****Biggest-Bardock-Fangirl-of-all-Time**.
> 
> **KaioKinning:** No problemo, sorry you had to find out that way :(
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** There was actually more in the scroll than I could put in the video, but I couldn't really understand what was happening, and the parts of it I did understand.
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** uhh.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** would have broken the sexual content restrictions in the terms of service?
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** ...Yeah, but. Not the way you might assume.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** oh.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** then i was with the demon, not my husband.
> 
> **Kamiccolo:** You remember that day better now?
> 
> **Onion Mom:** i remember a lot of blue.

She also remembered when the other Saiyan (_her_ Saiyan, he was _hers_) grabbed and broke the arm of and choked whoever she was kneeling in front of. She remembered yelling at him to stop, and then...

Before he'd vanished again, he'd shook his head as he looked at her, then he'd looked at—

Wait.

_Shit_.

> **Onion Mom:** wait.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** was gohan there?
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** He was actually asleep! Probably tuckered himself out from using all that energy.
> 
> **Kamiccolo:** And the apple.
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** _And_ the apple!
> 
> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** Besides, I hear Earthlings can't remember anything from before they're three years old anyway.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** he turned 4 five months ago.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** and hes not a pure earthling.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** i actually remember a handful of sights and sounds from when i was still in my nursing capsule.
> 
> **Onion Mom:** if his mother finds out she'll kill me.

* * *

Bulma grinned as she stepped onto the tiny island again. It hadn't changed a bit. "Yo, anyone home?" she called, before slinking through the already-open doorway. "Long time no see!" the purple-haired genius called out to her friends with a grin.

"Bulma!" Son Krillin exclaimed while carrying some fresh food from the oven.

Muten Roshi pushed himself to his feet carefully while carrying a frothing mug full of beer. "Wasn't sure you'd make it, it's been way too long, huh? Ya don't always have to wait for an invitation, y'know?"

Bulma smiled fondly. "I'm here _now_, aren't I? And with goodies too," she said as she raised a box of tea cakes, nearly hitting Roshi with it in the process. "Aren't I sweet?"

"You didn't have to go to all that trouble," Roshi told her while blushing and rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, "you could have just..."

Roshi froze for a moment like a deer in headlights then turned away from Bulma and forced Krillin to step in. "Hey, I, uh, notice Yamcha isn't with you," he began, before shrinking back when Bulma exploded at the name.

"Yamcha?!" she practically hissed, "That jerk?! How should I know?! I make a wish for him and this is the thanks I get?! Uh uh, no way!" She took a pose with her hands in the air and a manic look in her eye. "I'm better off without him and so are you!!"

Roshi sighed. "Guess nothing's changed for those two either," he muttered.

"Anyway," Bulma said while blatantly trying to change the subject, "Why isn't Launch here?"

* * *

"AH-CHOOO!"

"GAH! What is this liquid you're leaking onto my armor?!"

"Milk!"

"I thought that was the name of this Son Goku's wife!"

"Hey, who told you about that?"

"You did!"

"I did?!"

* * *

"Haven't seen her or Ten in a while," Krillin mused. "Apparently they're training somewhere."

"WE'RE BAAAAACK!" a familiar voice called from the front of the house.

"SON!!"

"GOKU!!!"

Chi-Chi let out a frustrated huff as she stepped off the Nimbus cloud. "I'm here too!" she called brightly, before sighing, and burying her face in the hat on the head tucked under her chin. "But none of ya ever want to see _me_," she muttered.

"Sorry sis," Krillin said, taking the small monkey-tailed boy in a ridiculous Chinese Emperor's costume from her as she knelt down for the child as the boy made grabby hands at the bald monk. "Oof! Gettin' pretty big there, buddy," Krillin said as the child latched on to him.

"Ya look ridiculous," she hissed under her breath, "he's already almost half yer size."

"Yeah, and Goku's like half of yours," Krillin whispered right back, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a micro fet—"

"What're you guys whispering about," Goku said as he leaned down, wrapping an arm around his brother and his wife.

"NOTHING!" the two insisted, standing back to their full heights, with Chi-Chi a head taller than Goku (not counting her bun) and Krillin up to Goku's chest.

Bulma blinked, struggling to parse the conversation. "Wait, NO WAY!" she shrieked.

"IS THIS KID _YOURS,_ KRILLIN!?" she yelled, causing Chi-Chi to face-fault, and Krillin nearly did the same if not for Gohan wrapped around his shoulders and neck like a baby monkey.

"He's ours," Goku said, pulling Chi-Chi against him with a grin, which looked absurd when she tried to lift her leg and swoon like a romantic heroine; while with Son Goku's strength he was _easily_ able to lift her and carry her weight, the proportions would remind anyone watching of, well, a cow and a monkey.

Bulma and Roshi gaped. "YOURS!?" they cried aloud.

"Yup!" Goku said, before looking down at the boy as he squirmed in Krillin's arms, before finally getting out as the monk set him down. "Say hi," Goku encouraged gently.

"Um, hello!" the tiny boy squeaked before bending at the waist, forcing Bulma, Turtle and Roshi to bow back out of courtesy.

"His name is Gohan," Chi-Chi said proudly.

Roshi nodded somberly. "After your Grandfather, eh," he noted.

Bulma blinked. "Doesn't that get confusing with both of them around?" she asked.

The three Son family adults stiffened, as did Roshi at Bulma's side. "Grandpa passed in his sleep the week after the wedding," Goku finally explained.

Bulma covered her mouth with her hands and paled. "Ohmigosh" she said, "I had no idea."

Krillin sighed. "Mom took it the hardest, I think," he confided. "I'm so glad that we decided to have this little meet-up, even if not everyone can make it."

"Do gods even get days off?" Bulma snarked before crouching down to be closer to Gohan's level. "So, cutey, how old are you?"

Gohan startled, and seemed to attempt to get closer to his father's leg. "Oh," he said, holding up first three fingers, then adding his pinky and saying "I'm 4, miss!"

"Wow, a little gentleman," Bulma remarked, shooting a glance up at the boy's parents. "You sure he's either of yours?"

"Of course, don't know whose else's he could be," Goku replied in confusion.

Chi-Chi huffed. "I am a dignified princess," she said, her accent only making itself _slightly_ noticeable, as she attempted to enunciate clearly.

"Grandpa and Nana say I should learn all my manners from my uncle Krillin," Gohan said to the world, making Goku giggle like it was the best thing he'd ever heard, Chi-Chi to turn red with rage and Krillin to blush briefly in embarrassment before turning pale when Chi-Chi loomed over him. Eventually Krillin couldn't take the pressure any more and dove right between Chi-Chi's legs and under the purple skirt of her dress, making her squeal in embarrassment and leaving her so shocked she actually let him keep running for a full second before she gave chase, until the two of them were on opposite sides of the island, trying to copy each other's movements.

Bulma shook her head, even as adults it seemed, those two never changed. "So, Gohan," she said, looking back at the boy, "what do you wanna do when you grow up?"

"I'm gonna be a great scholar!" Gohan said, like it was rehearsed, but Bulma couldn't really tell how genuine he really was. There was definitely a spark in his eyes, but it reminded her more of the spark in his father's before a fight than it did the spark in her own before conflict of a more cerebral sort.

Then her eyes widened as she finally took in the brown furred limb emerging from his backside and through a slit in his pants. "Oh," Bulma said, "A tail."

"Yup," Goku nodded, "I've still got mine, see?" He demonstrated by waving it around, eventually tickling Bulma's nose with it as he grew a mischievous grin.

"Transformin's funny," Gohan mumbled, "An' I don' think I like it, but sometimes I get to spend some time every month with Nana and Mr. Kami, or we all go camping and sleep outside with the animals under the stars."

"So, when's he going to start training?" Bulma asked with a giggle, causing Chi-Chi to freeze mid-attack, and turn back to where the rest of her family were on the beach.

"The world's at peace," she insisted firmly, "and the last thing any son of mine is going to be is a dummy who can't provide for himself, or even worse, a bully who takes things from others!" Chi-Chi sniffed haughtily. "Tail' trainin' and self-defense to take care of himself are fine and good," she continued, causing Krillin and Goku to roll their eyes like they'd heard it all before, "and learnin' to control that transformation is going to help keep him and everyone around him safe."

"What about flying," Krillin pointed out, "that's useful too, right?"

Roshi scowled, and then finally spit. He spit on Krillin's shiny head, then he spit on Goku, then, after a moment's hesitation, he spit on Bulma and Chi-Chi. They stared at him like he'd finally gone senile, and it made him want to spit all over again. "You call yourselves turtles, and you've all taught yourself how to _fly_?!" he yelled at them, thunking his staff against one of Chi-Chi's giant shins as he did so. Brute of a gal didn't even seem to notice. "None of you understand anythin' about Martial Arts, and I take back everythin' I ever said about retiring! Next tournament, I'll show you _all_ how it's done!"

Everyone laughed at the old man's antics, except Goku, normally the first and loudest to laugh along. He stiffened, then turned to look at the horizon, his whole body tense.

"EVERYONE! GET BEHIND ME!" Goku called, taking a stance to shield the others with his body, feeling relief when he felt the others (even Bulma!) take their own stances.

Except, he realized, Gohan, who simply crouched and hid behind Goku's leg.

Before he could force his son back further, however, the immense, terrifying power was in front of him with arms crossed. It was a man with long, familiar dark hair, wearing a strange sort of armor with large shoulder-pads and hip-pads.

He also seemed to be wearing a pair of black panties and had red garters around his thigh on bicep, reminding him vaguely of that "bachelor party" Krillin had tried to throw him.

"What are you, some kind of space-stripper?" Bulma asked sarcastically.

There was a cough from besides the man, and Goku's eyes widened when he recognized the energy and the scent of one of his friends. "Good one, B," Launch said, with her hand on the side of a large belly, and Goku felt a chill run through him. He knew what _that_ meant now as well.

"You're all grown up," the man began with no preamble, as if continuing some other conversation, "but I can tell that's you at a glance, Kakarot."

Goku frowned, that name was _familiar_, somehow, in a way that made his brain _itch_. Krillin, Bulma and Roshi all shot each other a glance, suddenly remembering various incidents where they'd heard a certain mother finally grow impatient, or whisper a name sweetly in her sleep as if it were a lullaby to a newborn. Only Chi-Chi and Gohan seemed to have no clue what the stranger could possibly mean.

The stranger _smiled_, and suddenly everyone present except Goku turned pale, because they recognized those facial features making that expression, especially with the long, messy hair accompanying it. "My," the man said, "you look just like our father."

A pin could have dropped in the silence that ensued. Instead of giving everyone a chance to soak it in, however, the man continued. "What the fuck have you been doing here all these years? Your mission was to terminate every native life form on this planet! Why haven't you carried it out!? The pod should have told you on the way here, the same message over and over, with your name, your orders, to wipe out every life form here," and suddenly Goku was struck by his earliest memories, voices that not even mama and grandpa could completely drown out, as Bulma was reminded of the machine in her garage and the sounds it played in some alien tongue that she had only been able to 'override' by dismantling it completely.

The man scoffed and shook his head. "Did you take a blow to the head? How are we supposed to sell an _inhabited_ planet, Kakarot?" he wondered aloud, and Goku stiffened. Sometimes he couldn't recognize people after a haircut, not if he didn't already know their energy signature and their scent beforehand, and maybe he couldn't always make numbers add up right, but there was nothing _wrong_ with him.

Although, speaking of, the man's scent... It was obviously foreign from Earth, and didn't smell like the breeze and dirt and seas that surrounded everything Goku had ever known, but some part of it reminded Goku of the way his dirty clothes were immediately after a workout, or the way he could recognize the scent of his mother if he hadn't seen her in a long time. And that hair... it was almost like mom's, but longer, with the pointy widow's peak she and Gohan had whenever they turned into Apes.

"If you're really my brother..." Goku began, "then why didn't my mother ever mention you to me?"

Raditz stiffened, and looked at him with shock, before a frighteningly blank expression came over his face. "You have a mother," he said flatly.

"Yes," Goku replied, "and her name is Son Gine."

The man reacted to the second name like he'd been _slapped_ and staggered forward and looked down at the ground, his eyes wide with shock. "But," he stammered, "how... why wouldn't she..."

"I know why," Chi-Chi said as she stepped towards the man even as he began shaking. "What mother wouldn't be _ashamed_ of a long-haired, delinquent-looking _drunk_ like—"

"CHI-CHI!" Goku yelled at his wife, "GET BACK! DON'T!"

Chi-Chi saw movement in the corner of her vision too late, as a hand rushed towards her cheek and grabbed her skull before, with a sickening snap and a loud crack, her head was turned all the way around and she fell to the beach with wide, unmoving eyes.

* * *

> **Biggest Bardock Fangirl of all Time:** Listen, I'm just saying, in the original print of the manga he only said he was three years old, and if you look at the panels you can still see he's drawn only holding up three fingers.

Gine felt a chill and her breath caught as an energy signature close to her suddenly vanished. She also realized she had been so wrapped up she hadn't noticed the power level stronger than her own. She didn't recognize it, (But something about it was _achingly_ familiar) but she knew that anything that powerful could only have one source. And where one came, if they failed, another would be along in due time.

So she grasped the soul as it passed by her Lookout, and found herself standing, for the first time, in front of Enma Dai-Oh, with a confused and shaken Chi-Chi by her side.

"Gine?! What's going—!?"

YES, I WOULD QUITE LIKE TO KNOW THAT AS WELL.

"Son Chi-Chi requires training, to protect our world from incursion by a threat greater than any it has ever known," Gine said humbly. "Does she have your permission to proceed to King Kai, King Yemma?"

Yemma stared for a moment, his gaze briefly lingering on each of the two women and then 'Hmm'ed and 'Hah'ed for a moment, as he looked about his massive desk, and Chi-Chi found herself wondering if she had dreamed up the entire day so far, as she looked to the desk, to the lines of clouds waiting behind her, to the— the—

The halo floating above her head.

AH, SON CHI-CHI, LET ME SEE HERE... Yemma said as he pulled out a book with the characters for Chi-Chi's name on it; it looked small in his massive hands, but was in actuality the size of her entire body!

Chi-Chi turned to the woman at her side, and threw the hardest punch she could.

And for her trouble, she felt her knuckles crack the instant they reached Gine's face.

"Take me back to my son, right now," Chi-Chi demanded through the pain.

Gine looked at her with a flat expression, one Chi-Chi thought she had grown used to, speaking as it did of loss, until she had seen its twin in that man, that _monster_ earlier that day. "If I could, Chi-Chi," she said calmly, "we would both be with our sons right now."

"Which son do you mean?" Chi-Chi demanded, grabbing Gine by the T-Shirt and lifting her up to Chi-Chi's eye level. "Do you mean the _monster_ from _space_ that _murdered_ me?"

Gine froze in shock for an instant, then closed her eyes and took a breath. "What would you do," she finally said, "if it was Gohan."

Chi-Chi slapped her for the suggestion. "My precious baby boy would _never—_"

"MY SON WAS _TAKEN_ FROM ME, CHI-CHI!" Gine finally erupted, her aura flaring, making all of the ogres nervous; people this powerful were not meant to have their bodies in this place. "HE. WAS. _TAKEN._" Gine calmed down for a moment, before continuing. "He was taken, at five years old, but I knew, I was told, I had to _expect_ that it was going to happen beforehand." She shook her head, and a wild look came into her eyes. "I was expected to be _proud_ of him— Except, no, what was _actually_ expected of me was to not want anything to do with him at all!" Chi-Chi shook her head angrily, she'd never heard the other woman talk about _any_ of this before. If she thought a sob story _now_ was going to—

"What would you have done, back then, Chi-Chi, if you were me?" Gine asked her, sincerely, _pleading_ with her eyes shining with tears. "I had been there myself, so I tried to teach him what I knew, combat-wise and skill-wise. More than that, I wanted him to survive, so I tried, as best as I could, as best as I knew how, to teach him how to be _ruthless_, more ruthless even than I was capable of being myself."

Chi-Chi stared, and Gine's dark eyes stared right back. This wasn't the woman Chi-Chi knew, and she was beginning to wonder if she had ever truly known her at all. "If you want to blame a monster, Chi-Chi," Gine told her, "blame _me_."

WITH RESPECT, I BELIEVE CASTING BLAME IS _MY_ JOB. Yenma interrupted with a glare at Gine. NOW, SON CHI-CHI, YOUR RECORD IS COMMENDABLE, AGAINST THE RED RIBBON ARMY AND THE DEMON CLAN YOU HAVE FOUGHT WELL, AND GIVEN AID TO OTHERS. SUCH WOULD GUARANTEE YOU A PLACE IN HEAVEN.

She was confused by the soft tone in the giant's sepulchral voice, until the red ogre swiveled to look at Gine again, and Chi-Chi gasped as she finally noticed the incredibly _familiar_ horns on the sides of his head. YOU WOULD HAVE HER RISK HER ETERNITY ON SNAKE WAY TO SEE THE LORD OF WORLDS? A PURE, INNOCENT WOMAN DEAD THROUGH NO FAULT OF HER OWN? Yemma's eyes narrowed. THROUGH FAULT OF _YOUR_ OWN, RATHER?

Gine bowed, before straightening and looking up at him and meeting his gaze. "With respect, honorable Lord Yemma, I think that neither of us can pretend to be impartial or unbiased about this death, or this woman's soul. Perhaps it is best, in this case, to let her do as she will."

"...You think Goku's going to die." Chi-Chi finally realized aloud. That was what Gine wasn't saying.

Gine didn't look her in the eye. "Nobody knows the future," she said.

YOU WILL NOT LIE TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER, Yemma said sternly in rebuke at Gine, OR I WILL SEND GOD HERSELF STRAIGHT TO HELL. The red Ogre turned to Chi-Chi. A GOD KNOWS THE TIME OF HER OWN DEATH DOWN TO THE SECOND, FROM THE MOMENT SHE TAKES THE POSITION. YOUR PREVIOUS GOD IS FATED TO DIE IN A YEAR'S TIME, THE CURRENT ONE A MONTH AFTER.

Gine shrugged. "I'm going to die on Christmas Eve, my favorite Earth holiday," she said. It had the cadence of a joke, but there was no humor behind it.

YOUR PLANET'S GODS DYING IN SUCH SHORT SUCCESSION, SO SOON AFTER THIS CALAMITY IS NOT A GOOD SIGN FOR ITS FUTURE. Yemma admitted, before sighing, a noise which sounded like a wind through a graveyard. SHE HAS PERMISSION TO CROSS SNAKE WAY. AS WILL ANYONE ELSE YOU MAY NEED.

Gine floated up and kissed Chi-Chi on the head, wrapping her arms around her in a hug. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, and when she pulled away, Chi-Chi could see that the other woman's tears were falling freely now. "I promise," Gine continued through her own tears, "I will keep Gohan safe."

And then she vanished, leaving Chi-Chi standing alone in the check-in station.

* * *

The real reason that Gine _knew for a **fact**_ that her youngest son was going to die, was that she knew what her Goku would do when faced with an opponent 5 times stronger than himself, and she knew what she herself would do if a stranger had just killed her wife in front of her and was threatening her son. There would be no hesitation. Divine foresight wasn't necessary.

What she _didn't_ know was what she was going to do herself, as she sped towards Kame House as fast as she could, hoping against hope that she made it in time. Her eldest son wasn't a stranger, no matter how precious her daughter-in-law was to her. She was _responsible_ for him, and she had _failed_ him. She had thought she could remain safe on Earth while he was still out in the stars, and in all this time she hadn't once thought to free him from that fate. Not once, not even for an instant.

...She wasn't entirely sure what, exactly, her eldest son would do, because it had been nearly a quarter century since she'd last seen him, and that was time enough for anyone to change, just look at what it had done for her. She couldn't say if whatever changes he had made were for the better or for the worse (a dead daughter-in-law certainly pointed one way, but if there was one thing her training to become God had taught her, it was the danger of assumption) but regardless, even if she knew him, that didn't mean she knew who he was now.

Which meant that all her hopes and her trust had to fall to her middle-son, the one not of her blood or even her race, whom she loved all the more dearly for that. She thought she knew exactly what her Krillin would do when one friend was lost, and a threat was bearing down on them.

_Survive. **Win.**_

She grinned like a Saiyan was expected to, her teeth glinting into the rushing wind.

...Unless Bulma screwed everything up even worse somehow.

Gine started pushing herself to fly faster.

* * *

Krillin glanced at Chi-Chi's body and immediately scooped up Gohan, turning the boy's face away from the sight. He didn't have to for long, however, as the body soon vanished, fading like it was never there to begin with. Convenient, and not a little spooky. Alright then.

"Hey!" Krillin called at the strange alien, "Are you Raditz?"

The man looked up in shock, and asked "How do you know my name?"

"Mo— _Your_ mom told me," Krillin said, thinking fast, a mile a second. She'd told him the _names_ Raditz and Bardock, but she'd really avoided telling him much else, he only knew she was an alien at all because of Bulma and her sister, whenever Gine talked about her past she got a far-off look on her face.

Considering that Raditz currently looked like he was at a four-way crossroads between hyperventilating, puking, crying, or killing everyone else on the beach and eating them, Krillin wasn't sure if he should begrudge her reticence or not. She'd always tried to help others and talk them through their issues, but when it came to herself, she always seemed to prefer suffering in silence. If she'd spoken up, maybe they could have been better prepared for this, but...

There was no point dwelling on what could have been. All they could do now was survive, and then talk it out later.

"Krillin." Goku barked out sharply, finally snapping out of a daze. The wind was howling around them, dust flying through the air, and Krillin hissed through his teeth.

"Goku!" Krillin barked back, taking on the sharp, harsh tone tone he hoped would cut through the other man (_his brother__'s_) thick skull. "Chi-Chi's fine, she can be brought back with the Dragon Balls."

Raditz seemed confused by that. "The... the _what?_"

_"The Dragon's what now?"_

Krillin stared. Did that monocle just _talk_?

"_You_ can't be, Krillin!" Goku said sharply, "Shenron can't grant the same exact wish twice! You and Master Muten have already been brought back before!" He looked back, and Krillin couldn't tell if the next statement was a warning, or a _threat_. "Death means death!"

Krillin gulped. Well, that was good to know, before he did something stupid. At this rate, he was going to die single twice. _Great_.

"Uncle Krillin!" Gohan finally cried, "I'm scared!"

Raditz's eyes sharpened at the word 'Uncle', dashing Krillin's hopes that they didn't have the word in space. Raditz stared him down, and Krillin swallowed. "Chi-Chi had, _has_ it all wrong," Krillin tried to explain in a hurry, going for broke. "You're the only thing she talks about sometimes, how clever you were, how quickly you learned, how strong you are—"

"What attack did she teach me before I joined the Saiyan military," Raditz said urgently in a strange, unreadable tone, making Krillin grin because there was really only one right answer.

"The Sunday!" Krillin said, extending one arm to his side and then throwing it forward like he was throwing a blast, just as she'd taught him.

Krillin realized he'd made a mistake when he saw the _betrayal_ flit across the other man's face. "She taught _you_." He said, glaring at Krillin. "You, a pipsqueak, an alien freak!" Raditz grabbed at his hair and tugged on it like he was going to start pulling it out. "What kind of sick joke is this?! Are you supposed to be some sort of... _replacement_ for me?"

Krillin didn't say anything, hoping he could still think up some way to diffuse the situation. "Gohan, go behind the house and summon the Nimbus and get it to take you home," he told the boy, and was grateful both when his nephew did as he was told, and when Raditz was too caught up in raving and ranting to notice.

His gratitude towards the universe for this stroke of fortune lasted only until the point where Gohan screamed, and as he turned he caught sight of Piccolo of all people as he stepped out from behind the house.

_Fuck_ the universe.

"You stay out of this, green man!" Raditz growled, sweating slightly, and his nervousness only seemed to increase as Piccolo took off his turban and cape, causing beeping noises from his machine.

Krillin frowned, this still hasn't escalated to a _fight_ yet, if they all stayed calm, then maybe...

"GIVE MY MOMMY BACK!"

Krillin stared as Gohan moved faster than he could even see and headbutted Raditz right in the sternum, visibly cracking the armor and making him stagger back. Unfortunately, the moment after the hit, all of Gohan's power seemed to leave, and in frustration Raditz swiped the boy with his tail. Krillin saw Gohan go flying and immediately moved to catch him, only for Raditz to come flying into the air towards him. Before Krillin could defend himself, Goku moved in front of him, barely halting Raditz in his tracks with a scream.

"TAKE GOHAN AND GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!" Goku roared, even as his joints (or maybe his bones) seemed to crack under Raditz's strength. Krillin flew back and grabbed Roshi and Turtle, and fled the island, cursing himself himself and his weakness.

_Coward_, he thought with self-loathing.

"You did a fine job, son," Roshi said, cutting through his pessimistic thoughts. "A very fine job indeed. You've bought time, and sometimes that's all you can do."

* * *

"HEY! WHY AREN'T YOU SAVING ME!?" Bulma shrieked after Krillin's retreating form, before yelping as Goku was kicked into the sand beside her.

"Well, you haven't died before," Launch said reasonably, pulling off her suspenders and orange shirt and revealing a green gi underneath, the clothing sending up small plumes of sand as they hit the beach.

"YOU'RE _PREGNANT_!" Bulma yelled like Launch somehow didn't know.

"This baby hasn't died yet either, and neither have I," Launch said like she was discussing the weather. "If aliens kill everyone on Earth, we're all dead anyway." Launch took a stance like Tenshinhan at the last Tournament with her arms crossed and after a moment, her blonde form appeared beside her only much skinnier.

"Wait a second!" Raditz yelled, throwing Piccolo away from him like he was nothing and seemingly not even taking notice as Goku pulled off his undershirt, boots and wristbands on the beach.

"Are you surrendering," Piccolo panted out, but Raditz ignored him, instead pointing at where Launch's middle rounded out her uniform.

"_That's_ what pregnancy looks like?!" Raditz cried in something akin to horror. "Just how primitive _are_ you people?!"

"Huh," Goku said as he crept back to his feet and pulling the shirt of his gi back on, "You're a lot bigger than Chi-Chi was," he said to Launch.

For her part, Launch didn't seem too offended and didn't even bat an eyelash. "Chi-Chi's a lot taller than me," Launch pointed out. "She's probably got more room to grow."

"Are you sure we can't talk this out?" Bulma tried, pleading at Goku's brother with eyes as big as she could make them.

Piccolo rolled his eyes. "All of your allies are such cowards," he said, only to reel back and clutch his ears when Bulma started yelling.

"SHUT _UP_, PICCOLO! I'M TRYING TO TRICK THE DUMBFUCK!"

Raditz rolled his eyes. "I _was_ willing to concede one small point. If Kakarot kills 100 Earthlings, I'll consider that close enough to a job well done so we can get off this rock and finish a job my allies and I have lined up."

Piccolo shook his head to clear the ringing. "Allies?" he asked, hoping he'd misheard.

"There are two remaining Saiyans in space I work with," he said, "both at least two times stronger than I am!" He paused and put a finger to his ear, as if listening to something on his machine, then grinned slightly, albeit nervously. "And they've just told me that they're already on their way, for those 'Dragon Balls' of yours."

Bulma gauged how bad things were by the expression on Goku's face.

Piccolo cracked his neck and adjusted his stance. "I bet you must be _thrilled_ to hear news like that, Son Goku" the Demon muttered.

Goku shook his head even though only Bulma and Launch could see him. "Not at all," he said with a small tremor in his voice. "I'm _terrified._"

_We're **fucked**._ At Goku's words, Bulma's mind whirred into high gear. "Uh, do Earthlings Goku's already killed count?" she tried. "And, hey, Go— _Kakarot_ here has already proved our species are compatible, maybe instead of wiping us out, you and your friends can just come here and... repopulate?"

Launch gave her a funny look, the expression of faint judgment and disgust looked out of place on her 'nice' form's face. Goku meanwhile tried to count on his fingers, seemed to be more hung up on her first statement. "Hey," he finally called out to Bulma, "how many people were in the Red Ribbon Army?"

"It doesn't matter," Raditz told them, "I prefer my meals fresh," he said blithely.

"Hey, Piccolo?" Goku said, "if you've got any tricks up your..."

"...If you can hold him off of me, and get him to hold still," Piccolo said carefully, "I've got something I made to kill you."

"That's good," Goku said. "It might not be enough, but it's a start. Got anything you could kill mom with?"

Piccolo didn't admit he had been hoping the despair of losing her family would do the trick. "Maybe," he said instead, "but the same conditions apply."

"HEY!" Goku shouted, "Guys!" he began, before second-guessing himself. "Uh, I mean, girls! Back me up!" He didn't wait for a response, and instead charged forward only to be knocked back again by a lariat to the chest.

"I've never fought anyone before!" Bulma whined as a last resort, even as Goku and Raditz fought in front of her, "I've never even been in your stupid tournaments!" Having said that, Bulma noticed when Raditz's eyes landed on her, ignoring his brother entirely even as he continued to respond to every blow. "_Fuck!"_ she swore, dodging away from a single lazy, almost half-hearted blast.

Piccolo held the fingertips of one hand to his forehead, and his other arm gripped his elbow, forming a conduit of energy that crackled visibly in the air. Bulma would have spent more time paying attention, but even her brilliant mind could be distracted by _waves of energy pelting towards her!_

Launch, meanwhile, seemed to be wincing and grasping her belly, but she stood up and put one hand to her back and yelled "Dodonpa!" sending a beam of her own to strike Raditz's outstretched hand. Goku took advantage of the distraction to try to get a couple hits in, only to get rebuffed almost immediately.

Raditz glared at Launch, and held out one of his hands. "Sunday!" he yelled, only for Goku to leap between him and his friend with hands already cupped to the side and bright blue light shining between them. Bulma blinked. Wasn't Goku just... when did he have the time to...

"KAMEHAMEHA!" Goku yelled, making Raditz yell in shock as his device (some sort of scope, perhaps? Bulma wondered) beeped shrilly and Goku's wave almost instantly overpowered Raditz's single-handed attack.

When the smoke cleared, Raditz seemed relatively unharmed except for the arm he attacked with, which smoked and seemed lightly singed and which he clutched tightly for a moment and then shook out.

Raditz growled. "I'd been hoping to show this to our mother, and I thought I'd finally have a chance now that you told me she was here, but it seems I'll have to ruin the surprise and give _you_ a taste instead, dear brother." He held both of his hands to both sides now, and as they watched, he gathered shining pink energy in both. "_DOUBLE_ SUNDAY!" Raditz roared—

Before grunting, the energy firing off harmlessly into the distance and dissipating as Goku's arms wrapped around his extended shoulders and clasped hands behind his neck. "What?! HOW!?" he cried. Raditz stared in shock as with a puff of smoke, the 'Goku' he'd been aiming at turned into a skinny version of Launch's blonde form. The blue-haired Launch waved from the sidelines, panting heavily. "Let go of me!" Raditz cried as he struggled. "Is this how you achieve your victories? Hiding behind deception, letting women fight in your stead?"

Goku chuckled in his ear. "You killed my wife and threatened my home. Whatever works."

Raditz blinked at that, then chuckled. "Father would have said the same thing," he remarked, before staring down Piccolo, whose energy continued to charge. "One thousand... one thousand two hundred?!" he read out, finally starting to struggle again. "You have to realize if that hits we're _both_ goners, don't you?"

Goku just grinned and kept grinning, until Raditz continued struggling and finally hit his elbow against a sore spot in Goku's ribs shaped like Raditz's boot. For an instant, Goku's grip slipped.

"_MAKANKOSOPPO!"_

"TAIYOKEN!"

* * *

Gine closed her eyes at the bright flash of light, and felt her heart break as two sources of energy instantly dropped to nothing.

She shot forward as fast as she could until she could catch the two bodies as they fell and bring them both together into her lap. "I'm sorry," she whispered, already feeling the tears fall, "I'm so sorry."

Raditz struggled, and she held him still. He looked pale when he saw her, even aside from the obvious bloodloss, like he thought she was a ghost. "Shhh," she told him, trying to remember the melody of a traditional war song she'd sang outside of his incubator, she doubted she remembered the lyrics, but if she could hum it, then maybe...

"Mother... I..." he tried, and she wanted to stop him, but he was dying anyway, so she let him speak. "Why did you... why weren't you...?"

Krillin came forward with Gohan in his arms, and Gine forced herself not to panic about how much was going on around her, how many things she needed to do. She looked up and acknowledged him, and struggled to find a way to convey that she was proud of him, that she loved him, that she would explain all this to him, but _not now_, that his brothers needed her attention the most, in this moment.

"I'm so proud, of all of you," she said past the lump of her throat, looking directly at Raditz, at Goku, and then at Krillin, who looked uncomfortable, embarrassed, ashamed, and she also wanted to reassure him that she was proud of his quick thinking...

She thought he understood anyway, to her relief, when he matched her hopeless expression with a small awkward smile. "Hey, Goku," he said, trying to get into sight and walk closer carefully without disturbing anyone or anything. "Gohan's alright, just knocked out," he said, making Goku smile in her arms.

"That's... a relief," he said. "Chi-Chi will be glad to hear it." Suddenly Goku started to laugh, making the blood flow even faster, almost making her want to scold him for it. "Hey, Krillin," Goku said, still shaking, "Dying's... not very fun, is it?"

Krillin looked resolute. "We'll bring you back," he said.

Goku grinned as he let out his dying gasp and beside him, Raditz started to shake in his own form of laughter. "I'm sorry... This is very touching, but you're all doomed," he said, "My allies heard everything. Every living thing on this planet, in one year's time, they'll be here..." Raditz wheezed out his laughter and finally stilled, leaving Gine with two dead sons. She closed her eyes, took the Scouter off her eldest son's face, and an instant later was once more in Other World in front of Yemma's desk, with her two very dead and _very stupid_ sons on either side of her.

Yemma raised an eyebrow and seemed about to get angry at and about Raditz specifically, who for his part looked around in shock and confusion, especially at the state of his chest, there not being a large and gaping hole in it any longer. As part of the shift his armor had even been restored, just as Goku was dressed once more in weighted training clothes he had previous removed.

There were a lot of things Gine wanted to say to her eldest son, she dearly, desperately wanted to comfort him and hold him and sing to him and tell him that he was her son, that she loved him and was proud of him no matter what. No matter _what._

Instead she did none of that, simply grabbing him by the face and holding his mouth shut as she held up the Scouter, hitting the switch she knew would raise the volume settings to the max. She used her divine powers to force the channel to remain open, the Scouter and Gine herself _were_ still on Earth, in a sense.

_"Pathetic. If he can't handle a couple of puny fighters with battle powers less than a thousand."_ an arrogant voice said.

_"So what now? Should we put this planet on hold and head for Earth?"_ a gruff voice responded. _"A surviving Saiyan female's a hell of a find, no matter who it is."_

_"You can have the worthless warrior if you like," _ the first voice responded, making Gine close her eyes and force herself not to say anything. _"The real prize, those things, the 'Dragon Balls'? That certainly sounds worth investigating."_ the first voice said, interrupted by what sounded like chewing.

_"Maybe we can bring Raditz back to life,"_ the gruffer voice said, to Gine's genuine surprise. Raditz grinned triumphantly at that, and she held up a finger, telling him to wait for the other shoe to drop.

_"Is that a _joke_? Why would we waste a wish on that worthless scum?"_ the first voice replied, as Gine had expected. She felt Raditz's resigned scowl against her hand, making her grin sharply at him as the speaker continued. _"How about immortality for ourselves? No death or aging! Only an eternity of **combat!!**"_

She pushed the button and cut the connection, then for good measure sent the device back to Earth. She took a deep breath, counted to ten, and tried to employ every technique she had learned on Earth in order to remain calm.

She then proceeded to slap Raditz in the back of the head and grab him by the hair to force his face closer to hers. "...I'm going to have to ask why you decided killing your brother was a good idea," she finally said faux-sweetly. It was something she'd learned on Earth, and judging by his expression, Raditz must have found it as _terrifying_ as she'd intended. "Better yet," she continued in the same tone before he could answer, "How the _hell_ did you know he was there in the first place, but not know I was with him?" Raditz opened his mouth, and she interrupted before he could say anything. "Was it your father?" The look in his eyes said it had been. "Of course it was."

ARE YOU EVER GOING TO ASK ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO? Yemma interrupted, and Gine raised an eyebrow and glanced at the line of souls, which had continued proceeding since they had arrived. Yemma was effortlessly opening books and stamping them without even looking at the souls, keeping his focus on the Sons.

Gine turned to Raditz again, and this time, tried to call upon the authority and bearing of God. "I am the God of Planet Earth—"

"The _what!?_" Raditz asked incredulously.

Today was a really bad day for her patience, it seemed. Or a really good one, depending on perspective. It seemed even Gods needed to be tested sometimes. "You died on my planet," she explained finally. "Ordinarily, for your sins in life, you would be judged and sentenced to Earth's Hell." Yemma grumbled, but Gine knew exactly how to shut him up. "What I am offering you, my son, is a trial."

Raditz stared, and Yemma sat back, and Gine repressed a grin, because she knew she'd won over both of them. "A trial?" her son said, and he latched onto it like a lifeline, because that was certainly a Saiyan way to handle things. It just happened to also be a Godly way. Who said Gine couldn't learn a new/old trick?

"Our planet is in danger," she said. "If you vow to help us stop it, I will have you brought back to life to do so."

"...I think I'd still rather stay dead and go to hell than I would come back to life and fight Vegeta," Raditz finally said. "And what's stopping me from overpowering you all and fighting my way out of this place?" Raditz grinned fiercely. "I'm much stronger now than you ever were, mother."

Gine shook her head and smiled slightly, sadly, because that was her son alright. "You don't have a Scouter, so you have no idea how strong I am right now," she told him, before going for the coup de grace. "Also:" she said, before waving a hand across his form, turning him into a bodiless white cloud the same as all the other souls. "Your body here is only yours because of divine Providence. Any of the gods here, and Yemma himself can easily restore it or take it away from you."

She waved her hand again, returning him to normal. The shocked, spooked look was too much for her so she immediately hugged him, causing him to stiffen in her grip. She remembered, she had used to try to force herself not to give this much affection to him, to not make him weak, but even after all this time, even after all he'd done, she still couldn't resist.

"Hey, uh," Goku finally spoke up, and Gine and Raditz looked at him, Gine with a fond smile, Raditz with annoyance. "I was just wondering, is Chi-Chi here? What are we going to do about those other Saiyans?"

YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED PERMISSION TO TRAVEL ACROSS SNAKE WAY, TO TRAIN WITH THE LORD OF WORLDS, IN ORDER TO GROW STRONG ENOUGH TO FACE THEM. Yemma explained, and Gine raised an eyebrow.

"He has permission already?" she pointed out. "Don't I have to ask it for him? You made me do it for Chi-Chi, your own flesh and blood." The Lord of the Dead's eyes narrowed at her, and she just shrugged in return. "I'm just saying," she said, "I'll have a hard time making a case for this one," she said jokingly while patting Goku's arm.

"But mom!" he whined, "I saved the world!"

Gine started counting off on her fingers. "You don't always listen to what I tell you, you always say that you'll write to me or come to visit but you never do—"

"But I pray to you all the time!" Goku shot back.

"And I keep telling you and Chi-Chi to stop saying 'God' or 'Kami' when you're having sex, but do either of you listen?" Gine turned back to Yemma. "Hey," she asked, "is it too late for us to get Chi-Chi back here? Because I've been meaning to ask her why she's started saying 'Oh Gine' instead. I have a lot of questions for her about that!"

"Only when she's mad at me, and doesn't want me to like her bein' mad at me, and she knows it'll make me stop bein' excited," Goku said, before actually turning slightly red. Anyone who knew him knew it took a _lot_ to embarrass Son Goku. "And, wait, you can actually _see_ that? I thought you were joking!"

"I can see everything under my area of responsibility," Gine explained for what wasn't the first time, "but I try to give people their privacy. But when people pray, I have to listen. I'm required to. People need and _deserve_ a compassionate God that listens to their prayers and problems. But that also means that when people make certain exclamations, it gets my attention."

Raditz didn't know what the fuck was going on. "I still want to know why I should just die again to Vegeta to save some worthless mudball that's made both of you such _disgraces_ to our people!" he said with the tone of a demand.

Gine frowned as she tried to think of what to say, then had an idea. She pulled out a capsule, and popped it open into a small cooler. She opened it and pulled out a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich she'd made earlier in the week for the party. "You're dead, so you shouldn't be hungry, eat it slowly, and try to taste it," she told her oldest son, and he gave her a look before snatching the sandwich from her and taking a bite.

His eyes widened further and further as be chewed, and Gine grinned to herself. There it was. "That's not even a very good sandwich," she told him.

"Can I?" Goku asked while reaching for the small morsel.

"No!" Gine and Raditz both snapped at him, Raditz actually pulling the sandwich towards himself protectively, and getting some of the jelly on his hands and his armor.

"Raditz, I love you," she said, making him react with horror at what was nearly a heretical statement, even from a Saiyan as odd as she was. "I love you so much I wouldn't even sell you for one corn chip. And when you have your first corn chip, _you will understand how much that **means**_." Gine was instantly overcome with relief the instant she saw the acceptance in Raditz's eyes that meant he gave in. She pulled him in for a kiss on the forehead, then did the same to Goku. "Now you two be nice, Raditz make sure you apologize to Chi-Chi before you come back to life, I've gotta get back to Earth. Love you!" she said, before leaving the Check-in Station and reappearing in front of Kame House. Krillin was standing there with his head bowed. Bulma was fiddling with the Scouter, but not really focused on it. Roshi seemed preoccupied looking at Launch, who...

"Does anyone know how to get me to Ten?" she asked, her hair frazzled with streaks of both blue and blonde in it, a three-eyed baby in her arms.

Gine pulled herself together. "Bulma, can you help fly Launch home?" she suggested, before turning to Krillin. "Where's Gohan?" she asked.

Krillin flinched, and she sighed. "Piccolo took him," he finally said. "There was nothing I could do."

"You've done enough today," she reassured, before scooping him up into a hug. "I'm so proud of you."

"All I did was one Solar Flare!" Krillin shouted at her.

"At the right time, when it was needed," she told him. "You made sure Goku didn't die in vain."

"Didn't he?!" Krillin asked. "Even if Raditz got away, you would have—"

"I might not have been able to stop him," Gine said, making Krillin look at her. "And I might not have been able to talk him down." She felt herself getting misty-eyed again, but when she tried to wipe it away, Krillin stopped her. Cheeky little monk. "...I was a very different mother with Raditz than I was with you and Goku," she finally explained, making him frown. "I was a very different person in general before I met Son Gohan here on Earth." Krillin looked skeptical at that, and Gine sighed. "Can I explain on the way?" she suggested, confusing him.

"On the way to where?" Krillin wondered.

"To get Gohan back," Gine replied.

* * *

Son Gohan stared at the pile of rubble in front of him. "I did _that_" he realized aloud in shock.

"Do you understand now?" the green man asked. "Your power explodes when your emotions are at their peak, even if only for an instant." Piccolo scowled. "In a real fight, practically worthless," he said derisively. "But if we can train you to use that power all the time, you may be the most powerful fighter ever."

Gohan shook his head. "But... I don't _want_ to be powerful or a fighter," he started to whine. "I wanna be a great scholar."

"You aren't going to get the chance to be anything unless you survive the Saiyans on their way," the green man shot back. "There's not exactly a lot of room for great scholars in a world where everyone's dead, is there?"

"But..." suddenly, Gohan perked up and ran straight past Piccolo. "Uncle Krillin! NANA!"

Piccolo scowled. As Son Gine and the bald midget landed, he expected some sort of retribution or payback. As powerful as she was, she was just as soft if not worse than her sons or her worthless predecessor combined—

The look on her face stopped Piccolo in his tracks and made him reconsider his opinions of her. It reminded him more of that Saiyan from earlier, Raditz. This woman's sons were the most formidable foes Piccolo had ever faced. "You _agree_ with me," he realized aloud, even as she rubbed Gohan's head as the boy clung to her.

She didn't say anything, but Piccolo noticed she seemed to stiffen slightly when Gohan started sniffing and poking her with his finger. Finally she lifted the boy away from her hip and held him to her eye level. "Gohan," she told him, "I'm sorry, but we might be in big trouble."

"But," Gohan looked taken aback. "You or dad," he began only to seem scared when she shook her head.

"We don't stand a chance," Gine told him. "Not as we are now." She sighed. "Your mother will not like it at all, and I don't like it much either, but we might need you, Gohan," she told him.

Krillin frowned. "Mom," he began, glancing at Piccolo before shaking his head. "Why am I here?" he finally asked. Gine glanced at Piccolo. "That last attack took a lot out of you," she told the demon. "If it had missed, Raditz might have killed you with his reprisal, and then the Dragon Balls would be useless. You owe my son your life," she told him.

Krillin blushed. "But I barely did anything," he finally said.

"Meaning you're at peak strength," she pressed on, "while Mr. Piccolo here could use a break before he gets into another big fight." She grinned and rubbed the shining top of Krillin's head. "Especially against the semi-finalist who nearly beat him at the last Tournament."

Krillin frowned at that, so she knelt down and put Gohan on the ground. "Everything I taught you," she finally said, "everything about how just surviving is a victory, about using your enemy's weakness against them... All of that is ultimately what I taught Raditz." She smiled proudly. "And don't tell him I said this, but I think you've learned it better than he did. Maybe even better than I know it myself."

Gohan frowned. "Then..." he began, drawing his family's attention towards him. "Then that awful bad guy was really related to us?" he said. Gine nodded. "And you and daddy're really from space?" Gine nodded again. Gohan seemed to consider this for a moment. "Then why can't you tell the other aliens comin' to leave us alone!"

Gine shook her head. "I was extremely low class, and always picked on by people stronger than me," she explained, before looking back up at Piccolo. "I know Saiyans better than anyone else on Earth," she said as she stood back up. "And I can tell right now that you going off and training alone will be more harmful than helpful."

Piccolo glared at her. "So what," he finally said. "I just join your merry band, pretend we don't all hate each other?"

"We might _need_ your hatred," Gine finally admitted. "I'm not sure I know how to fight someone like I'm trying to kill them. I might be too soft for what's about to happen."

Krillin and Gohan looked at each other for a moment and gulped.

* * *

Later that night, Gine finally broke down. She'd spent half the day gathering everyone together, after deciding that Capsule Corp. was the best place, being more central, and having more amenities for everyone than the Lookout. Especially important considering Launch's baby.

Korin and Kami had come down, and for a moment, Gine had the irrational worry she was about to have her still somewhat new position taken from her. Instead, Kami got to work trying to help her plan what exactly they were going to do, and what they were going to talk about with the others. She tried to organize everything she knew, any information that might help them prepare.

Finally, it was night time, and while she stopped by Panchy and Brief's room for quick stress relief, after a shower she decided to room with Gohan, telling herself she thought he would need the affection and comfort. After his bath, he read one of Brief's science books on the bed while she sat in front of the vanity mirror and removed the jewelry from her face. It was at that point she realized her youngest son wouldn't get to eat the dumplings she'd made him, and Chi-Chi might never get the chance to enjoy the new weighted wristbands that matched her favorite cheongsam that the events of the day finally caught up to her and Gine found herself tearing up.

It was like a dam broke, and next thing Gine knew, she was cuddling Gohan on the bed, both of them sobbing, as he asked her why his mommy and daddy had to die, and she begged for his forgiveness, even as she knew she didn't deserve it.

Eventually, they cried themselves out, and the only sound was their slow, even breathing. For a moment, she wondered if he'd fallen asleep, only to look down and see his eyes shining in the darkness.

"What was it like," he asked her, cuddling his head against her chest, and she thought for a moment, and started to tell him.

"Well," she thought, brushing her hand through his hair, "when I was about your age, I heard the story of the legendary warrior Yamoshi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, in comments for the main fic I got some discussion about ships for Gine, and the whole time I was already planning on some of those early bits with Gine and Kami.
> 
> One of my earliest ideas was to almost give Gine an addiction to adoption? Because she went from a culture where childrearing was abnormal to one where it wasn't, and that thought met with a line from Team Four Star's Dragon Ball Z: Abridged about how being the God of Earth was like being a parent. That, plus the part of Dragon Ball where Kami offered the job to Goku. The version of Gine in my head was sorta all about that life? It's not like Kami and Dende never leave the Lookout. And Kami, Dende and Kamiccolo all seem to be able to see the Earth from the Lookout and hear Prayers and things. Given the chance, and after spending enough time on Earth, I fundamentally see Gine as ultimately caring for it pretty universally. That's what the Guardian/God (Godian?) job seems to be about, to me. It's admittedly kinda unclear, because the whole "God" thing is one of those bits of the series that is interesting but never gets the focus or expansion it deserves IMO.
> 
> ...Also, GodTube. Just. Fucking GodTube. I could not resist. GodTube allows me to do the most Crack!Fic, Shitpost, Memelord type of nonsense. It's perfect. I love Akira Toriyama and can never truly hate Dragon Ball just for fucking GodTube.
> 
> Credit for a certain GodTube name goes to [a post](https://unnounblr.tumblr.com/post/187619470642/all-the-known-gods-and-their-godtube-accounts) by gowasusteacorner on tumblr.
> 
> How Gine and Kami's relationship. Works. And how to define it. Isn't simple, even for me, even with as many snippets as I've pre-written for it and about it. It's the closest thing to actual romance Gine has that I've planned, but I wouldn't necessarily say it actually _is_ romance either?
> 
> ...I came up with that idea for Launch on a whim, but I loved it. Way too goddamned much, tbh.
> 
> Gine's casual outfit is based on [this amazing fanart](https://unnounblr.tumblr.com/post/186846734232) by On Kamis Green Earth on tumblr. I saw that and decided Metal/Punk were the best aesthetics for Gine.
> 
> ...I planned for Chi-Chi's and Gine's confrontation scene basically since the beginning (along with Gine becoming Guardian of Earth, and Chi-Chi dying) and I planned Goku and Raditz and Chi-Chi all training with King Kai. I might not be doing a very good job on the hows and whys of that.
> 
> Weirdly, the Steven Universe movie is what made me go "no, I have to type and post this now" but I'll be damned if I could explain why. I guess, just the recurring notion of "happily ever after" maybe?
> 
> ...I worry if I went too far with the sex jokes, and I'm not sure I'll really be able to put this in the T-rating of the main fic with all of them in there. Some of them I've been considering cutting. Feedback would, as always, be appreciated.


	3. And Love And Birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost certainly late for Chestnutfest (does being in a multi-chap where not every chapter is part of the event or about the ship disqualify it? Krillin and 18 aren't even the focus for the first half or so either, tbh) but I really wanted to write something with 18 and Gine in this verse. It's short, I guess, but I have more planned. It, uh. Might go above a "T" rating though?
> 
> ...I will say that. I personally prefer 18 and 17 with more. Dry voices, and flat affects, but I say that more as. An SJW thing almost? Like, there are people with mental illnesses and conditions and things who naturally have flat affects and can't always openly express emotion, but that doesn't mean they don't feel emotion? That they don't love or care about people?
> 
> ...I might be. An outlier. Among 18 fans and K18 fans. For that. That's fair!

Gine yawned and rolled over on the couch, only to bump into someone sitting in front of it. She blinked her eyes open to see only blonde hair, which didn't make sense, her own hair wasn't long enough, and it spiked up slightly so it didn't fall down in front of her eyes when she was Super Saiyan, even when she was powered down and resting, then she remembered that she'd stayed the night at Kame House after babysitting Marron, a moment before the person in front of the couch moved away slightly to turn around. Gine stared into cold, icy blue eyes.

"Sorry I woke you," No. 18 said in a low whisper. She was in only a small silk bathrobe and a pair of underwear, which surprised Gine, because normally she was the only one willing to spend any amount of time around Kame House in that sort of state of undress. She unconsciously sniffed the air, making 18 raise an eyebrow, and with a second sniff confirmed to herself that the other blonde definitely smelled like sex and like Krillin.

...And _only_ like sex and Krillin, Gine realized. She hadn't spent as much time around the cyborg as she'd like, but she hadn't realized until now that 18's natural scent was just. _Gone._ No wonder she was so hard to read sometimes, even besides her absent ki and her tendency not to move her facial muscles more than she absolutely needed to in order to form words.

"Something I can help you with," 18 said in what could have been sarcasm, making Gine realize she'd been staring. She had to say _something_, so, might as well go with the truth.

"Just wondering what the heck Gero did to you," she said aloud, which actually made 18 emote slightly, in the form of an upraised eyebrow. 

They stared at each other for a long moment, until finally 18 snorted and turned back around, moving over slightly so Gine could see the screen of the house's TV, which had some sort of still image on it, until 18 pressed a button and it started moving again, until Gine realized it must have been some sort of, interactive media, that the pixels seemed to be meant to look like characters, and that as 18 pressed buttons on a small device, the characters moved and interacted with other pixelized characters. "I see now where Goku gets his tact from," 18 muttered.

"Sorry," Gine said genuinely. "It's just been..." she trailed off, and 18 leaned back against her.

"Yeah," she said simply.

Gine watched as 18 played her game, and thought she was starting to understand it. The one character 18 controlled jumped on enemies to defeat them, and had to get from a starting point on the left side of the screen, to a goal on the other.

"Do you want to play?" 18 asked without looking, and Gine shook her head.

"No, sorry, I don't think it's my thing," she replied.

18 nodded, then after reaching the goal one more time, turned the whole thing off. "Sorry for waking you," she said, without turning back around.

Gine glanced at the clock. it was almost 2AM. "Eh, I've had worse binges on GodTube," she said, making the android shake her head.

"You already watched Marron for us," 18 insisted. "I should have been more considerate."

"I was just glad to spend time with the woman my son loves and married," Gine said, which actually made 18 turn back around. "And I got the entire day with my adorable little granddaughter."

"We've been trying to have another," 18 blurted out stiffly, making Gine smile. Still not much expression, and no emotion in her voice, but somehow she still got the sense of embarrassment. "You weren't there for the wedding, or when Marron was born, so."

Gine smiled gently. "You don't have to do that for me," she said gently. 18 shrugged, and Gine frowned. "Just because I was there when Gohan and Gomen were born doesn't make you and Marron not a part of this family," she said firmly.

"Fine," 18 said, still deadpan, still not raising her voice out of concern for the house's other residents, but Gine still got the impression she was somehow irritated. "We want another baby anyway, and we want you to be there when they're born."

Gine shrugged. "It's your choice, both of yours," she said.

18 leaned back against the couch again. "Good," she said.

* * *

18 sat there for a long while, until she heard vibrations against her back. Saiyans might not purr, but they _did_ definitely snore. She carefully stood up, only to freeze as something pulled at her wrist with a strong grip. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again she looked and saw it was the golden fur of Gine's tail wrapped around her hand.

Well, 18 thought, carefully sitting back down, at least she could definitely say she'd spent some time with her mother-in-law.

...Besides trying to kill her that one time, anyway. That didn't count. Obviously.

She sat there for a few hours, watching the hands on the clock tick forward, and regretted the fact that she couldn't even reach the console or the TV itself in this position.

At about 5, around when Krillin was just about to wake up, out of habit from his years trying to become a monk, Gine's gentle snoring suddenly stopped. For a moment, 18 thought (hoped) that meant the older (even if they looked about the same age) woman was going to wake up. And let go of her.

Instead, there was a sniff, and suddenly 18 was being lifted on top of the couch, and had to force herself not to react. Gine was stronger than her, and currently transformed, and for her part, 18 had programming to kill her. A move on 18's part could lead to at least one of them getting hurt, and it was anybody's guess which. Either would be bad, especially for Krillin.

So suffice to say, 18 thought she should get a goddamned _prize_ for her self-control when the unconscious Super Saiyan picked her up, put her nose against 18's groin and belly, sniffed her again, _licked_ her, kissed her, and then just started rubbing her whole face against 18's lower torso, like she was some sort of. 18 didn't even know what.

The fact that she was only wearing a robe and a pair of panties did not escape her notice when she heard movement upstairs and desperately hoped it was Krillin. That is until she saw him actually coming down, and realized what a compromising position this actually was. "This isn't what it looks like," she said desperately, as he stood there at the bottom of the stairs staring and confused.

He came around the front side of the couch, and she tried to keep looking at him, but her body didn't turn all that way, her joints were still mostly human, with a normal range of movement.

When Krillin gasped, she didn't know what to expect, or what was going on.

So when his voice came out soft, so soft, like she'd only heard one or two other times, and he told her to try sensing ki, like they'd been practicing, and she felt the tiny, tiny energy between her hip bones, she was still in shock. She actually felt the corners of her mouth turn up slightly, like they hadn't since Marron was born, or the wedding before that. (Or when she'd kissed him on that damn highway, even if she'd have denied it at the time.)

They both froze however when they heard more movement from upstairs, only relaxing when they heard the door to the bathroom opening and closing. If Roshi saw this, she'd have to kill him. No other option.

Krillin came around to the side of the couch so she could see him again and he grinned at her, and her face kept its small smile as he leaned forward and kissed her. It was a nice kiss, and she was starting to get into it, but every so often Gine would rub her cheek just above the hem of 18's panties and no, nope, this was not going to happen right now. "Krillin," 18 said as she broke apart the kiss, trying to be stern, and managing to slightly narrow her eyebrows, but was still not able to completely get rid of the slight upturning of her lips. "I need her to let go of me before Roshi sees us like this."

Krillin winced. "Should I go ahead and grab one of your bras?" he asked.

"And leave me down here?" she asked, and he winced as he understood her point.

"Sorry 18, but when she gets, uh, affectionate like this, the only way to get her to let go is to give her someone else to cuddle." 18 frowned. She had been hoping to... _celebrate_ the news she'd just gotten with her husband, but...

"Well then, you're her son, you get in here," she told him.

"I have to take my exam for the police academy," he insisted, "you want to move out of here, don't you?

18 thought for a second. "...This would be easier if she didn't sleep as a Super Saiyan," she pointed out.

Krillin shrugged. "She's been Super Saiyan for 11 or 12 years now, as far as I know, ever since Bulma's mom told her that blondes have more fun." 18 stared at him for a moment, then glanced at the strands of blond hair hanging off her own head. "Yeah, sorry, I know," he started to say, only to freeze again when they heard more movement coming down the stairs.

Little Son Marron padded her way down, floating off of the last step, and made her way over to the couch. With no effort at all she made her way between her mother and grandmother, at which point Gine immediately let go in order to pull the girl closer to her instead.

18 didn't waste any time getting away from the couch, practically fleeing from it as she moved to stand next to her husband, and wrapping her robe more tightly around herself for good measure. Her smile returned as she watched Marron cuddled securely with her grandmother, and placed her hand on her husband's shoulder, then picked him up so she could see him eye-to-eye.

"I think we should celebrate the news," she whispered to him, making him blush bright red.

"But what about my exam," he said halfheartedly, as she floated up the stairs to avoid making noise, before shutting the door to their room behind her.

* * *

Roshi was struck by deja vu when he saw Son Gine sleeping on his couch with a small child sleeping on top of her, both wrapped up securely in a blanket. The more things changed the more they stay the same.

Then again, the noises from Krillin's room overhead were definitely new. The walls weren't thin, but he hadn't gotten the place soundproofed either.

Roshi sighed and found himself smiling slightly as Gine's golden tail rubbed soothing circles into Marron's back as their chests rose and fell with their breathing. Quiet moments like this, Roshi was happy for his students. He really was.

A particularly loud thump startling him nearly made him reconsider the thought. And people said _he_ was a pervert. Maybe, he could admit, that reputation was earned, but he thought he'd cleaned up his act plenty.

Admittedly in hindsight, that time he'd taken Marron to the park to look like a responsible grandfather and pick up ladies in their 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s maybe hadn't been the best plan, on a number of levels. Taking Gine with him had seemed smart, giving him plausible deniability, and easing his conscience by ensuring Marron's safety, but it turned out other old people were just as shallow as he was, and the 60-year-old blonde who still looked to be in her mid-20s was more appealing than him. Who knew? At least it wasn't Panchy. Gine at least had an excuse.

Roshi sighed. They'd probably be hungry when they were finished. Well. Krillin would be. And Marron would need breakfast when she woke up.

...It'd probably be rude not to feed Gine too, he realized with a sigh, before he started carefully and quietly digging through his cupboards and his refrigerator. If they expected him to help feed any more kids, _and_ a pure-blooded Saiyan, _somebody_ was going to have to start paying rent around here.

That reminded Roshi, wasn't Krillin supposed to be doing something today?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss stupidoomdoodles sometimes and one of my favorite pieces of art from her is still [mommy doesn't need to sleep](https://unnounblr.tumblr.com/post/187692752742/stupidoomdoodles-mommy-doesnt-need-to-sleep) because #mood.
> 
> Like, Toriyama says that No. 17 and No. 18 don't need to eat, so.
> 
> ...Also, in the Japanese version of a certain scene where Future 18 destroys a building, her original line was that she's mad because she lost at a game, but Funimation changed it to her wanting clothes. And I'm not exactly about that? So. Gamer!18.
> 
> <del>...I have no idea what to name an extra K18 baby.</del>
> 
> <del>Shit.</del>
> 
> EDIT: In hindsight, I genuinely love and am proud of this snippet, but I'm not sure yet, after thinking about it more, if I wanted it to be definitely "canon" to this fic series? I've seen some neat perspectives and thoughts about why Krillin and 18 don't have another kid, and it's made me question.
> 
> I do definitely like that I got to write Gine and 18 together though.

**Author's Note:**

> [I've set up a discord thingy if anyone wants to talk about my fics with me,](https://discord.gg/bCW5B22) <del>even if I'd rather see comments here, tbh</del>


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